The Square Root of Christmas
by mbs0916
Summary: Leonard and Penny's Christmas gets interrupted. Rated M, just in case.
1. Chapter 1

The Square Root of Christmas

December 26, 2012 1:45 a.m.

Leonard lay awake in bed next to his beautiful girlfriend. He and Penny had spent a quiet Christmas together after a festive Christmas Eve with their friends. They had exchanged gifts with the group on Christmas Eve but waited until Christmas morning to share their gifts with each other. He had found a beautiful sterling silver necklace with a turquoise pendant for her. He had found it over a month ago when he had been looking for a gift to send to his sister for her birthday. He had not planned on buying her Christmas gift that day, but when he saw it, he knew that it would look beautiful on her.

~Flashback to Christmas Morning~

When she had unwrapped the lager box and found the smaller box inside, he had seen panic in her eyes and he realized that she may have assumed it was an engagement ring, but she slowly opened the box and the look of panic was replaced with one of delight. Leonard thought he might have seen another look; one of disappointment, fleet across her eyes. But Leonard had learned his lesson. He would not try to read into things that were not there. She had hugged him and thanked him, then slowly pulled away from the hug and proceeded to give him a passionate kiss.

Penny reached over to the coffee table and picked-up a large box and handed it to Leonard with a frown on her face. "Here," she said, "It's not as nice as your gift to me…"

"Don't say that, Penny" Leonard had admonished, "You always give great gifts."

Leonard peeled the paper off of the box and slid a finger under the tape that held the box shut and pried the lid off. He smiled as he looked down into the box and saw a t-shirt with the Tardis emblazoned on the front. "I love it,' he said and winked at her, "It reminds me of the Halloween party."

Penny blushed. "Your gift is much nicer. I'll get you something more at the Post-Christmas sales"

"I don't need anything more," he said as he squeezed her hand. " I love the gift and I love you."

Penny looked doubtful but as he continued to hold her hand, she finally grinned and said, "Let me add a supplement to the gift" and she rose from the couch and pulled him toward the bedroom.

Later as they sat at her table by the window eating muffins and sipping on coffee Penny said, "Leonard, I'm sorry."

Leonard looked at her with confusion. "What do you have to be sorry for?"

"My little supplement to you," she blushed, "turned out to be a supplement for me."

"Penny…" he started to protest.

"No Leonard. It's true. I wanted to make you feel good and then you… well you ended up…" she stammered.

"Penny, don't you get it?" She looked at him with questioning eyes. "Penny… What makes me happy… what gives me the most pleasure… is…" He reached across the table and lightly stroked her cheek. "I get pleasure from knowing that you are happy. And I do all that… I'm love being the 'King of Foreplay' because…" She took is hand in hers and kissed it. "Because when you… make those noises… well, I know you are happy. And then I'm happy."

"Oh Leonard" she said as a tear rolled down her cheek. He reached up and wiped it away. "You… I've never been happier than when I am with you."

He smiled and looked into her eyes. He could see that she meant what she said but could also see that there was still doubt in her eyes. He knew she loved him, but he feared that she didn't understand what that should mean to her.

"I have the day planned out for us. I have some of our favorite Christmas movies on DVD for us to watch. We'll start with the one you said is you favorite, 'White Christmas'. Then we'll watch 'A Christmas Story' and finish off with 'It's a Wonderful Life' because it really is a wonderful life."

They had spent the whole day lounging on the couch and just holding on to each other. About ten o'clock they had migrated to the bedroom and spent a few hours of leisurely making love. He had inwardly laughed at the fact that he could tell that she was trying to one-up him in the 'pleasure' department, and he had truly appreciated it. It had made him redouble his efforts and they had risen to heights they had never been to before.

And that was where he was now; lying next to the woman he loved basking in the fact that he knew that she loved him also. She had finally given in to sleep about thirty minutes ago, but he was still wide awake, which was odd. He usually had no problem falling asleep after coitus, but tonight his mind was swirling with thoughts of the future. The past was behind them and the future looked bright.

He heard a buzzing noise and looked around the room. He finally realized it was his phone vibrating under Penny's panties that were on the bedside table. He picked them up and smiled as he let them gently fall to the floor. He picked-up his phone and looked at the caller ID. He was stunned. It was his mother calling. He quietly got out of bed and walked to the living room before he answered the call.


	2. Chapter 2

The Square Root of Christmas – Chapter 2

Penny awoke from a sound sleep and looked over to Leonard. He was not there. She looked over to the clock and saw that it was just after eleven o'clock. 'He must have gotten up early' she thought. 'He never has liked to sleep in.' But then something was itching in the back of her mind. 'He tried to wake me up last night.'

~Flashback to 1:30 a.m.~

"Penny, I need you to wake up." Leonard stood over her and gently shook her by the shoulder.

"Leonard, it's too early," she slurred in her sleep.

"Penny please, I need to talk to you."

"Not again Leonard. We'll do it again in the morning. Go back to sleep," she said as she pulled the covers over her head.

Leonard stood there for a few moments and analyzed the situation. If he forced her awake, she would be grumpy and may not even comprehend whatever conversation they would have. He decided that he would let her sleep and leave her a note.

~ Penney's Kitchen 11:30 a.m. ~

Penny approached the refrigerator to remove the carton of orange juice and saw it immediately. A letter was attached with a magnet right at her eye level. She took the note down and began to read it.

Penny, I am sorry for telling you this in a letter, but I did try to wake you last night. My mother called me from home last night and asked that I please come visit her. It is kind of an emergency and I could not refuse. Everyone in my family is alright, but there is a matter that needs my immediate attention. I am leaving my phone behind with you and I have booked a flight leaving this morning at 5:30. I'll explain everything when I get back. If you need to reach me for an emergency, you can reach me through my sister at 555-252-4824. I love you Penny and I will see you soon. Love Leonard.

She set the letter down and saw his phone on the table beside the container with the muffins. She went to her bedroom and retrieved her phone and immediately dialed the number that he had given her.

The line rang twice before it was answered.

"Hello, this is Dr. Williamson," a voice said.

"Is this Leonard Hofstader's sister?" Penny asked.

"Yes, Leonard is my brother. Can I help you?"

"Leonard left me this number to call in case of emergency." Penny stated.

"And what is the emergency?" the woman said.

"I need to talk to Leonard."

"He is not here at the moment but I can relay any message to him that you would like me to." Dr. Williamson said. "What message would you like me to pass on to him?"

"What emergency sent him all the way across the country? Why did he have to leave in the middle of the night?" Penny asked.

"Those are not questions that I can answer."

"Can't or won't" Penny spit out.

"Won't" Dr. Williamson admitted. "Leonard has set in place strict protocols as to what questions I can answer to specific inquiries."

"What is your name?" Penny asked.

"Dr. Williamson," she replied.

"I mean, what is your first name? I don't want to refer to my boyfriend's sister by Dr. Williamson."

"Hmm, if you must know, my name is Rebecca." She replied.

"Okay Rebecca, tell my boyfriend…" Penny started.

"Before you make an ultimatum, I must make a statement of fact." Rebecca interrupted. "I know this may sound strange because you have met our mother, but, I love my brother and will do whatever I have to in order to protect him."

"What makes you think anything I would say to him would hurt him?" Penny asked.

"Logic would dictate that you are about to demand that he call you immediately and explain why he left you in the middle of the night. By demanding that of him, you are asserting that he acted on a whim and that he had no thought of you when he did so. I assure you Penny that what he did was the only course of action that he could take in the circumstance. He is a man of great honor and compassion. He could not have acted otherwise. He told me that he tried to awaken you and explain before leaving but was unable to do so. This is not something he will discuss on the phone. I believe he will explain in great detail once he returns to you, but if you love him you will let him tell you in his own time. Do you love him Penny?"

"Of course I love him, Why would you think I don't?" Penny asked.

"I don't doubt you. I was just asking a straightforward question and hoping for a straightforward answer."

"Tell Leonard that I called to say I love him and to call me if he needs me." Penny said shyly.

"I will relay the message to my brother," Rebecca said. "And Penny…It was nice to finally talk to the girl that my brother is in love with." The phone was disconnected before penny could reply.


	3. Chapter 3

The Square Root of Christmas – Chapter 3

December 27, 2012

Penny had avoided apartment 4A the entire previous day because she would have felt the need to ask Sheldon if he knew anything about where Leonard had gone. But now she stood at the door about to knock when she heard Sheldon say, "Come in Penny." 'Damn that Vulcan hearing' she thought, but she opened the door and walked in. She saw Sheldon sitting on the couch; a bowl of soggy cereal in front of him on the table. The television was on, but the sound was muted.

"I was wondering how long it would take before you decided to come over," Sheldon said as he looked up to Penny. "To be honest, I expected you yesterday afternoon."

"Do you know why he has gone home to see his family?" she asked.

"Is that where he went?" Sheldon looked surprised. "When I called Beverly, she did not indicate that he was there."

"Did she say that he wasn't there?" Penny asked in disbelief.

"She merely stated that he was not there with her and that although she knew his whereabouts, she was unable to disclose that information due to social and ethical considerations." Sheldon stood and took his bowl toward the kitchenette. "I am not happy about this Penny. He completely ignored the roommate agreement and left town without any notification."

"Did he leave you a note?" Penny asked. Sheldon picked a note up off of the kitchen island and handed it to her. She looked down at the note and read it.

Sheldon, I'll be gone for a while. Call Howard and ask him to be your ride to work. Tell him and Raj I'll talk to them when I return. P.S. Keep an eye out on Penny and help her with anything that she needs. Leonard.

She sat the note down on the island. "What do you make of all of this Sheldon?"

"I am at a complete loss, Penny. I checked his browser history and found that he had purchased an airline ticket to New York's Kennedy airport that morning and that he had looked up the address for Princeton Hospital in Princeton, New Jersey."

"Well it's not a family member; his note to me said it was an emergency but all his family members were okay. Do you know if he still has friends in New Jersey?" Sheldon just shrugged his shoulders and walked back to sit in his spot.

~Princeton, NJ~

Leonard sat in the back of the cab as it worked its way toward the medical complex. The phone he had purchased at the airport rang its default ring tone and he looked down to see that his sister was calling. He pressed the connect button and said "Hey 'Becs' how are you today?"

"Hey Lenny. I'm okay how are you doing?" she replied with concern.

"I'm headed back over now." His voice cracked. "There's been no change…"

"I'm sorry Leonard. As soon as this meeting with my research leader is over, I'm on the next train. I'll be with you before nightfall." She paused a moment and she could hear Leonard rasping on the other end of the line. "Leonard?" she waited for him to respond but he stayed silent. "Leonard do you have your inhaler with you?"

"I… I left it in Pasadena. I'll be okay." He rasped.

"When you get to the hospital. Go by the pharmacy. I'll call them right now and they will have an inhaler waiting for you. I'll call them with a prescription as soon as I hang-up."

"Thank you sis." Leonard said with true affection.

"You take care of yourself Leonard." She paused as she thought for a moment and then made up her mind. She didn't care what her mother had always told them. She wasn't weak, but she could still say it. "I love you Leonard."

Leonard was almost stunned to silence, but he could not let this moment pass without comment. "I love you too, 'Becs. I'll see you this evening and… Thank you." He disconnected the line and smiled for the first time in two days.

~Princeton Hospital~

Leonard sat in the hard plastic chair and fidgeted. He had been there all day and nothing had changed. He heard someone clear their throat and looked up to see his sister Rebecca standing in the entrance to the ICU room. He stood and walked over to her and she flashed him a quick smile before glancing down and a look of concern replaced the smile. He engulfed his sister in a bear hug and she returned the embrace. He gestured toward the chair and she gratefully took a seat. He stood behind her and put his hands on her shoulders as they both turned their gaze to the figure lying silent in the bed.

~Pasadena, December 28 6:30 p.m.~

Sheldon and Howard walked into the apartment and saw Penny wrapped up in a blanket sitting in the chair that was usually where Leonard sat.

"Hey, how was work today?" she asked.

"Good," Howard replied and paused, "No one heard from Leonard today."

Penny just smiled. "I talked to Bernie and she'll be here any minute with the food. Is Raj on his way?" She made herself busy bringing utensils and drinks to sit on the coffee table.

Everyone arrived and conversation turned to the events of the day. Amy and Sheldon tried to bring up the topic of where Leonard might be but surprisingly it was Penny who shut that thread of conversation down. "He'll call us when he is ready to talk. Let's not harp on the subject." But everyone knew it was tearing her apart and they all hugged her as she said goodnight and returned to her apartment.

As she sat on the couch in her apartment watching a DVD of Classic Doctor Who, she heard her phone ring. She recognized the number as the one Leonard had given her for his sister. She answered the phone.

"Rebecca, is that you? Have you talked to Leonard?" She rushed out.

"Hey Penny. It's me," Leonard said.

"Hey, Leonard. God, you had me scared to death. Where are you?" Penny said in a meek voice.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. I could have handled this better but I needed to get here as quick as possible and…"

"It's okay sweetie. You don't have to apologize." She paused to screw up her courage. "I love you Leonard. I know I didn't say it early enough and I don't say it as often as I should but… I love you. You do know that don't you?"

"Yes, I know and I love you too. It's just that… I need to tell you some things and well… I'll be home on the second and I'll tell you what is going on." Leonard said and she could hear the tremble in his voice.

"If you need me, I can come to you. Just say the word and I'll be on the next flight." Penny said with conviction.

"No," he said abruptly. "No need for that. I'll be home in a couple of days and we'll go to that new Thai place for dinner." He paused for a moment. "Penny, I love you more than you can imagine. You are everything to me. I need you to know that. Anything that ever happened to me before I met you was meaningless… I love you so much." His voice faded away and she could hear him sobbing on the phone as it seemed to be taken from his hand.

"Penny, this is Rebecca, Leonard's sister. He's… he's going to be okay. I'll take care of him and make sure he gets on the plane for Pasadena safely."

"Rebecca, what is going on? I need to know so that I can help him."

"Just love him like he deserves to be loved. Leonard is a very special man. He is the best of all of us. He has the most scars from our upbringing but he is the one that we all go to when we are hurting. Be strong for him and love him." Penny could hear her start to cry as Rebecca terminated the call.

"I will be strong for him and I will always love him," she said to her empty apartment, but she knew she was proclaiming it to the universe.


	4. Chapter 4

The Square Root of Christmas – Chapter 4

Leonard strode toward the taxi stand at the Bob Hope Airport and took his place in the queue. He had spoken to Penny during his layover at the Chicago Airport and he had told her that he would catch a taxi. She had wanted to pick him up, but he did not want to put her to that much trouble; and he needed more time. He needed to work his thoughts and feelings into more coherent order before he could share them with Penny.

"I'll be back sometime after ten, and we'll go to lunch on Thursday." He had told her.

"I'll pick-up a dinner shift; that will put me getting home about eleven. Come home and stay with me tonight and we can cuddle," she replied. "We can talk tomorrow, but I would really like you to hold me tonight."

"Okay, sweetheart. I'll see you when you get home." He had hung up the phone and taken out his inhaler. This was all happening too fast. He took a puff of the inhaler and walked toward his connecting flight. The flight had arrived on time and now he was in a taxi headed toward his apartment.

He slowly ascended the stairs to the fourth floor and sat his bag in front of apartment 4B. He turned toward apartment 4A, unlocked the door and walked in to find Sheldon sitting at his work desk.

"Leonard, I must ask that you make time tomorrow morning for an apartment meeting in order for you to answer to the charges of violations of the roommate agreement."

"Sheldon, I just popped in to let you know that I was back and that I am staying the night with Penny. I'm going to grab some clean clothes and I will be ready to give you a ride to work in the morning." He walked down the hall towards his bedroom.

"Leonard. Leonard," Sheldon yelled after him, but Leonard ignored him.

Leonard had taken a quick shower and put on his pajamas before heading over to Penny's apartment and when he let himself in, it was just after eleven o'clock. The apartment was in complete darkness so he assumed Penny had been held up at work. He went into the bedroom and slipped into the empty bed.

Thirty minutes later Penny walked into the bedroom to find Leonard asleep in her bed. She quietly undressed and put on her sleep clothes. She went into the adjoining bathroom and closed the door. She took off her make-up and brushed her teeth before returning to the bedroom. She silently slipped into bed beside Leonard, cuddled as close as she could and put an arm over his abdomen. She was startled when Leonard shifted onto his side and wrapped his arm tightly around her without ever waking up. She just held her breath until he settled back down into a solemn slumber. She lay there awake for hours just looking at him and enjoying his arm being around her.

~Thursday Morning, January 3rd 2013~

Penny awoke and immediately felt the absence of Leonard's warmth beside her. She looked at the bedside clock and it showed 6:13 a.m. She panicked for a moment but then she heard the sound of the coffee brewer in the kitchen. She arose and put on her robe and followed the smell of freshly brewed coffee out into the apartment. She found Leonard sitting at the table with a cup of coffee held between his hands as if he were trying to absorb all of the heat into his body.

When Leonard saw her walk into the room, he smiled. It was a small smile and he was afraid it looked forced, but Penny did not seem to notice. She smiled back at him and made herself a cup of coffee before sitting with him at the table. She reached out her hand and stroked his arm as she smiled at him.

"I've missed you Leonard," she stated simply.

He sat the coffee cup down and placed his hand over hers to stop her from stroking his arm. "I've missed you too, beautiful," he said. She blushed and lowered her eyes. They sat in silence for a moment before Leonard reached down and took a photo out of his robe pocket. He slid the photo across the table and retracted his hand.

Penny looked down at the photo. She could tell that it had been taken a number of years ago and Leonard was in a lab just like the one he had at Cal-Tech, but there was a girl in the photo with him and they had their arms around each other. She fought her emotions and tried to make her face stay neutral. She looked up to see what Leonard's face might reveal, but his face gave no indication of what this girl might mean to him. She was about to give in to her naturally curious nature and ask him who the girl was, when he began to speak in a hitching voice.

"Her name is Clara," he stated. "We were in Graduate School together. She was a year ahead of me, but our fields of study were almost identical. We were working on a project in high energy lasers and…" his voice faltered, "…we became very close." He stopped and swallowed a number of times before he tried to start again, but he started to hyperventilated.

"Calm down Leonard. It's okay, take your time. There is no hurry," she said soothingly.

He wiped his hand across his eyes and rubbed them. Then she realized that he had been crying. Not just now, but she could see the puffiness that was emblematic of hours of crying.

"Is she the one you went to visit in the hospital?" she asked and he just nodded his head in the affirmative. She stood and walked around the table to kneel beside him, She wrapped an arm around him and cooed into his ear. "It's okay sweetie. It's okay. I love you sweetie."

He pulled away from her for a moment to look into her eyes. He saw only truth there and smiled at her. "I love you too." He wrapped an arm around her and held her tight. He began to speak again; this time with a little bit more emotion in his voice. "My mother called me that night that I left. She told me that Clara had been in touch with her the last couple of years and that… Clara was sick." Leonard looked from Penny to the chair opposite him and she stood to return to her seat. "Clara, as my mother explained, had been diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis, and it had taken a major turn for the worse over the course of the last month. My mother called me because Clara had asked to see me." His voice broke at that statement and he openly broke into sobs.

She stood to walk back to hold him but he put his hand up to indicate that he was okay.

"She called me that night and asked that I hurry to see Clara before…" he trailed off. "Clara told my mother that there was something she needed to tell me. So…"

"You jumped on a plane and got there as quick as you could?" she finished for him. He looked at her guiltily. "It's okay Leonard. You did what you had to, your friend needed you. I'm proud of you." He looked at her with astonishment and disbelief.

"You are so wonderful to understand. I love you so much," he gushed.

"So… what did she need to tell you?" she asked as casually as she could muster.

Leonard's face fell and tears began to run down his cheek. "I don't know," he said with utter sadness in his voice, "I was too late. She was unconscious by the time I arrived and she never regained consciousness." He looked up into her eyes expecting to see disbelief in her eyes, but all he saw there were eyes full of compassion. "She passed away on December 31st. She was just twenty-nine years old." He began to openly weep again. Penny was out of her chair in a moment and engulfed him from behind. She knew he had promised to go into work today and give Sheldon a ride, but she was not going to let that happen. He needed to be here with her so that she could comfort him.

And Speak of the devil, KnockKnockKnock, "Penny-Leonard". KnockKnockKnock, "Penny-Leonard". KnockKnockKnock, "Penny-Leonard".

'Damn him' Penny thought as she stood to answer the door.


	5. Chapter 5

The Square Root of Christmas – Chapter 5

Penny had talked to Sheldon until she was blue in the face. She had not raised her voice because she did not want to upset Leonard any further, but in the end she had relented and Leonard had left with Sheldon to get ready and to go into work. Leonard had promised to be back in time to take her to the promised lunch.

"It's okay, Sweetie. I need to go into work for a little while. There are a few reports that I need to clear up for the end of calendar year." He had hugged her tightly before slinking off to 4A to shower and shave. "I'll be back before you know it," he had said as he turned back to look at her before opening the door to 4A.

"You better," she said to the empty hallway. And she had turned to begin getting ready for her lunch date.

~ The Silver Phitsan ~

Leonard and Penny sat in companionable silence. She had ordered the fried catfish in a ginger sauce served over white rice and she had commented on how good it was. He had ordered the chicken warm noodle bowl and also was enjoying it. He glanced up at her and he caught her averting her eyes. He could tell that she was being very patient, which really surprised him.

"Penny," he started, "I know…"

"Leonard," she interrupted, "I just need you to know one thing before you say anything." She reached across the table and grasped his hand. "Whatever you need to tell me; know this, I love you and what is in the past is in the past."

"Do you think that there is something sordid that I need to confess to you?" he asked with shock.

"No. God, no. That's not what I meant. It's just…" she stammered.

"Penny," he said, trying to suppress his disappointment, "Clara was someone special and I will not tarnish her memory by lying about it."

'It' she thought. What could 'it' be? "Leonard I would never want you to think that you would need to lie to me, and I would never think that you would."

"I'm sorry. It's just that… well I thought that you might think that…" he started.

"I think, Leonard, that you are a thoughtful, loving and beautiful man, and I am lucky that you have chosen me to love." She took her hand from his and used it to wipe away a tear that had escaped from her eye.

"I didn't choose to love you, Penny" Leonard confessed, "Love chose me to fall under your spell." He reached over and cupped her chin and focused on her eyes. "I admit that that first day that we met, I was smitten with your beauty, but it has been everyday since, learning about who you are…" he couched his index finger to the center of his chest, "here in your heart, that has made me love you."

Penny froze in his gaze. This man never ceased to amaze her. He had just said that he thinks she is beautiful and… he thinks that her heart is capable of being loved. She inhaled abruptly; she mustn't cry. She stood abruptly. "I've got to pee," she said a little too loudly and every eye in the restaurant turned to stare at her. She raced away from the table and fought the urge to turn back to look at him.

Leonard was left speechless as Penny darted toward the back of the restaurant. He was making a shambles of everything, he thought. Why had he snapped at her? She was only trying to be supportive. 'She thinks I'm beautiful' he contemplated. 'Does that mean handsome or does that mean that even though I'm not physically attractive, she likes me anyway.' He was still pondering that question when she returned and sat across from him. She was smiling and that scared him.

Penny had retreated to the washroom and used a damp tissue to lightly pat her eyes. She couldn't collapse into a full blown cry; it would ruin her make-up. 'No' she thought, 'make-up be damned, but it might upset Leonard if she thought that she was upset.' But she was far from upset, she was on cloud nine. He loved her for more that her perceived beauty; she had always hoped it were true but he had just said it. She didn't think that he realized what he had said and how it would affect her but the truth was there; he loved her very being, the nougat that was wrapped up in the tasty chocolate shell. She smiled at that thought. She would have to lure him back to the apartment after lunch and… she stopped in mid-thought. This afternoon wasn't supposed to be about her. She was supposed to be the one supporting Leonard in his time of need. So she had made her way back to the table.

He was staring at her like a deer in headlights and her smile faded just a bit as she spoke. "I'm sorry Leonard. I got us off course. You were about to tell me about Clara." She smiled brightly. "I want you to tell me about her. Tell me about this beautiful woman that was special enough for you to love her."

"I didn't…" he paused as a sudden sob closed his windpipe momentarily. He thought about the inhaler that sat in his jacket pocket but he dismissed it. This wasn't something that could be cured with a blast of medicine. "I never told her that I loved her," he said as a statement of fact and then he fell silent.

Penny could see the panic in his eyes. "Where is your inhaler? Do you need me to get it out of the car?" she asked him with concern in her voice. He just nodded his head in the negative. She watched him closely as he fought to catch his breath. "Leonard. You said you never told her; but you did love her, didn't you."

He took a few shallow breathes and raised his eyes to meet hers. "Yes," he stated with an authority that she had never heard in his voice. "Clara… she was the first person that I ever thought that I could be myself with and know that it didn't matter how geeky and nerdy I am. She saw past this…" he swept his hand over his body, "this shell of pathetic freaky man-child." He stuffed his hands in his jacket pockets in order to hide the fact that they were trembling. He felt the inhaler there and fought the urge to raise it to his lips. "We worked together for over a year and then, one day she asked me to go out after work and get coffee. I had never been a fan of coffee, but I went. I figured that she wanted to discuss what our next series of experiments would focus on, so I went." He looked up and he saw that Penny was still smiling; maybe, just maybe, she could understand. "Well, I was wrong. She didn't want to talk about work. She just kept asking me questions about my family." He fidgeted again. "I didn't tell her that I had the family from hell, but I think she figured it out."

Penny chuckled, "So how did you describe your mother to her?"

"Hmm," he muttered with a gleam of mischief in his eyes, "I said my mother was a much respected and awarded researcher and lecturer in neurological science and human behavior."

"So why would she have interpreted that as being an indication that your family was… well not normal?" Penny enquired.

"Well… I may have said with a bit of sarcasm dripping from my lips," Leonard admitted.

"Gotcha," she replied, "I didn't think you would be able to say that seriously with a straight face.

"We spent the whole evening just talking and when the coffeehouse was ready to close, we stood to leave." She could see a slight blush rising in his cheeks. "She took my hand and walked with me to her car… I tried to say goodnight, but she put her finger to my lip and silenced me. She leaned in and kissed me." He stopped; not sure if he should continue. He looked at Penny and saw only compassion there, where he thought he would see anger. "We kissed, and I don't know how or… next thing I know we arte at her apartment." He saw Penny tilt her head in encouragement to continue. "We spent the night together."

There, he had said it. Penny could get up and storm out. He had given her the proof that he had… His thought was interrupted by Penny saying, "Oh, Leonard." He looked up expecting to see fire in her eyes.

"I'm sorry Penny."

"Sorry for what? I know you've had other girlfriends. I've known some of them. It's not like I thought you were a virgin when we first got together." She smiled at him but when she saw the look in his eyes, her smile faded away.

"No, I wasn't a virgin when we met. But…" he cast his eyes to the floor and whispered, "I was when I met Clara."

Penny remained quiet. Leonard was telling her about one of the most intimate moments of his life and all she could think was, 'Why Clara and not me.'


	6. Chapter 6

The Square Root of Christmas – Chapter 6

Penny had not let Leonard go back to work. She had called Sheldon and told him to have Howard bring him home. Sheldon had acted putout, but Penny had blown his objections off and told him what he could do with himself. He had replied that it was physically impossible, but she had responded that he should attempt to do so and give her a written report as to the outcome.

Leonard was asleep on her couch. He had become silent after his confession as to the circumstances of his loss of virginity and she had taken control and his keys in order to drive him home. As she had marched him up the stairs with her hand in the small of his back, she could feel the tremors that wracked his body. Each time she felt him begin to vibrate with a chill, she noticed that his eyes closed and his hand went to his heart. He had taken out his key for apartment 4A when they reached their landing, but she had said in a stern voice, "You're staying at OUR place tonight. I'm not letting you out of my sight."

She had been true to her word. She had called into her work and said that she was taking a sick day, and when she left the room for any reason, every door between her and Leonard was left wide open. The guys had called to check on him, and she just said that he was resting. It was about 3:00 a.m. when she awoke with a gasp. She looked down to see an empty couch; she swiveled her head from side to side and found that Leonard was sitting at the small table by the window. She suddenly realized that she had a blanket wrapped around her. "Thank you for the blanket, it's gotten a little cool in here," she said.

"You were shivering. I thought about waking you up and putting you to bed, but you seemed to be sleeping so peacefully." He stood and walked back over to the couch and sat down. "Thank you for taking care of me and getting me home safely. Come on let's go get comfortable in the bed." She stood as he took her hand and they walked into the bedroom. She quickly shed her clothes and put on a pair of sleep pants and a tank top. He stripped down to his boxers and t-shirt as they both slipped under the covers. Neither said a word as he positioned himself on her side and maneuvered her into a spooning position. He heard her sigh contently as he draped his arm over her and pulled her close, as his hand gently cupped her breast. She settled down lower in the bed, trapping his hand under her. They stayed like that, embraced in warmth, as they slipped silently back into a peaceful slumber.

She awoke hours later and heard Leonard's steady breathing behind her; he was still asleep. She closed her eyes again and basked in the feeling of his body pressed against her. She realized that his hand had moved from under her breast, and now it was clutched between her thighs. It was starting to turn her on, when his hand started to move. She heard his breathing become more raspy and realized he was awakening. She hoped that he would move his hand up her leg, but was disappointed when he removed his hand altogether.

"Good morning, honey," she whispered.

"Sorry, did I wake you up?" he asked.

"No, I've been awake for a little while. I was just enjoying lying here next to you," she confessed. "Are you hungry? I can make us some breakfast."

"Why don't I run down to the coffee shop and pick us up some lattes? I'll grab us a few muffins; you can jump in the shower. I'll get in the shower after I get back. I have a lot of work to catch up on," he said.

"Do you think you are up to going to work?" she asked with disbelief.

"I appreciate everything you did for me last night, and I'm a little embarrassed..."

"There is no need to be embarrassed," she interjected. "Someone you cared for has died. I'm amazed you held it together as long as you did."

"You know what I mean..." he said as he glanced away, "...about the... you know."

"Why would you be embarrassed to tell me about sharing such an intimate moment with someone you care about?" she leaned over to push a stray strand of hair out of his eyes. "Would you feel more comfortable if I told you how I lost my virginity?"

"Thank you Penny, but that's not necessary. I don't want to pry into your life," he answered.

"Well just suffice it to say that it wasn't with someone that loved me. You should be very happy that your first time was special. Always cherish that memory." She turned away from him to hide the tears that were forming in her eyes.

He reached over and put his hand on her shoulder. "Maybe the first time wasn't with someone that loved you, but the next time can be." Her body quivered and she relaxed back and fell into his embrace. "I love you Penny."

"Thank you, Leonard." He felt her body begin to vibrate and he lowered her onto her back. "Don't be gentle." She reached up and pulled him down into a passionate kiss.

An hour later, she was sitting at her table sipping on a latte, while he was in the shower. She picked-up her phone, found the number in the calls received and hit send.

"Hello, Penny, is that you?"

"Hey Rebecca, yes. I just wanted to call and let you know how Leonard is doing," Penny said.

"I was just thinking about him on the way into work. I was going to call and check on him as soon as I thought he would be in his lab. How is he doing?"

"He's in the shower. I think he is doing good. He's had a few emotional moments and broke down a time or two, but…" Penny began.

"I'm glad to hear that," Rebecca interrupted, "It shows that my mother's damn conditioning may not have ruined his life too."

"What do you mean?" Penny asked.

"If mother ever caught one of us crying, she would sit us down and lecture us until we understood that crying didn't change anything. Leonard was the most sensitive and that meant that he got the brunt of mother's so-called reeducation. It broke my heart every time I saw Beverly wielding her dominance over him; but I never said anything. By the time I left home for college Leonard was just about ten years old. I never saw him cry; at least after he was old enough to understand what mother was conditioning him with."

"That's horrible," Penny said.

"But it sounds like he has found a life that brings him happiness. And I think part of that is you Penny." Penny could hear Rebecca take a deep breathe. "Penny… thank you."

"For what," she asked.

"For being Leonard's friend and for loving him." Rebeccaa stated.

Penny had been stunned but accepted the thanks. They had talked a few more minutes and Penny had expressed her wish that Rebecca should come to visit her and Leonard when she got the chance. As she heard the shower being turned off, she made her salutations to Rebecca and hung up the phone. She didn't want Leonard to go to work, but she knew that he needed to return to some semblance of normalcy.

A few minutes later Leonard walked out of the bedroom dressed for work. He walked over to Penny and kissed her on the lips. As he pulled away from the kiss, he smiled and he saw his smile mirrored on her. "I'm off to work. Love you."

"I love you too Leonard" Penny said as he opened the door. He just glanced back at her and his smile grew even wider. As the door closed behind him she pondered getting into the shower and getting ready for her afternoon shift. 'That can wait a while' she thought as she felt the slickness that was still between her legs. She pulled the collar of her t-shirt up to her nose and inhaled the aroma that still lingered there. It was the smell of Leonard and his passion. The shower could wait for a while.


	7. Chapter 7

The Square Root of Christmas – Chapter 7

Leonard and Penny sat in the small coffee shop that was just down the road from their apartment building. He had surprised her by calling her just as her shift at the Cheesecake Factory was just about to end.

"Hey, beautiful. How about we go to see a movie tonight?" He had asked lightheartedly.

"That sounds wonderful. Are you up to it?" she had asked with concern.

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

"Well…," she had begun.

"Listen, Penny. I know I've been a bit morose the last couple of days, but I've come to terms and I'm ready to put it behind me. Clara was an important part of my past, but it is the past. You are my present and my future. I'm ready to move forward."

"It can't be that simple, can it?" Penny asked.

"I admit, it is a simplification of many variables, down to one or a few. But that is what makes it more observable. Any problem or idea can be reduced or simplified in order to be more testable or viewable." Leonard attempted to explain.

"Sounds like a bunch of your sci-fi mumbo jumbo," Penny chuckled.

"No, this is actual scientific methodology. But I see what you mean. So what movie would you like to see?" he asked in an attempt to steer the conversation forward.

"You asked, you decide, " Penny argued.

"What about _Les Miserable_? Have you ever seen it?" he asked.

"Isn't that the movie with all the musical stuff in it? There's not any science fiction stuff in that is there?"

Leonard chuckled, "I do like other thinks beside science fiction and comic books, you know. Besides, we've already seen _The Hobbit_."

So she had agreed to see _Les Miserable_ and now they were sitting at the coffee shop.

"Wow," she said for the dozenth time since they had left the theater. "That was a little… intense."

"It was good, wasn't it?" Leonard said with a smile.

"Good. Yes, but it was so sad. I'm sorry Leonard, we should have gone to something that was funner."

"Funner?," he said with a laugh in his voice, "I was the one that picked the movie, and I have seen the musical on stage a number of times. I knew what to expect."

"Then why did you pick something so sad?" She asked.

"It is a good story and good music; it's one of my favorites. The story is sad but it was actually cathartic. It help lift my spirits," he concluded.

"That doesn't make sense Leonard. How can something sad make you feel better?"

"Because, watching the story… It is a sad story, but it also shows the triumph of love over all those other worldly evils and trials. One can't escape sadness in one's life, but how he or she responds to it can define how that life is affected."

"So how have you responded to your sadness? How has Clara's passing affected you?" Penny asked.

"That is hard to put into words…, but I think that she would want me to remember her fondly and I think she would have been happy that I found someone as special as you to care for." He paused for a moment and his eyebrows wrinkled in thought. "There was something she said to me when we were dating. She told me that she wanted to make a difference with her life. That the reason she went into experimental physics was so that she could make an impact on her world."

"Did she do that?" Penny asked. "Did she make a difference? I mean, I'm not big into the physics world, but I've never heard of her."

Leonard smile a sly smile and said, "She did okay in the 'physics world' but in life in general I think she did a marvelous job."

"Did you keep in touch with her? How did you break-up, anyway?" Penny inquired.

"Oh," his smile fell just a little bit. "She broke up with me after we had been dating just over 6 months." He sat back in his chair as if the hard back would lend him some support in his narrative. His eyes took on a glossy look as his mind went back to that time almost a decade previous. "We had completed the work we had set out to do and I had been asked to come here to Cal-Tech to present a paper that I had written as part of my thesis. It was a great opportunity so I took it. I was here about two weeks and getting ready to fly back when I called to talk to her, and let her know my flight plans…," his voice began to tremble. "She told me that she needed to move on; that she had been offered a research position at St. John's. I told her that was great and that maybe I could follow her and obtain a position." He slouched down in his chair. "She said she needed some space and that she felt we were moving too fast, but I could here in her voice that… she just needed to be away from me. We talked a bit when I got back. She assured me that there wasn't someone else. She even told me that she thought that she loved me, but that she wasn't sure that that was enough. She said she would keep in touch." He shook his head as if to clear away the memories. "She didn't."

"Why do you think that she did that? Do you think that…" she stopped herself.

"Do I think what?" Leonard looked up.

"Well, do you think that she was pregnant and afraid to tell you?" Penny said meekly.

"No," Leonard shook his head emphatically. "We had talked about families quite a bit, given that she had none and mine was so dysfunctional. We both said that a family would be a welcome gift in time. I can't imagine her not being at least a little excited about having a child. No, it has to be something else. Besides, she wouldn't have kept something like that from me."

'He wants children' she thought. 'Why did I not know that.' "I guess I've watched too many Lifetime Movies." She chuckled and said, "Don't mind me, I don't know what I'm talking about."

"She never married and as far as I can tell, she never dated anyone else." He saw the confusion on Penny's face. "I'm not a stalker. For some reason she and my mother became acquaintances and my mother kept me up to date on her whereabouts. It's funny, mother kept me more informed on Clara than she did of my own family."

"Okay, no more sad talk and no more tales of days gone by. Take me home and…" Penny started.

"Okay, let's head home, but I think I'll stay in mine and Sheldon's apartment tonight. I'm afraid with all the memories, I may have a restless night and I don't want to keep you awake." He took her hand and raised it to his lips.

"If you think that is best sweetheart," she said. 'I won't sleep anyway if you are not beside me' she thought, but she did not say it. She did not want to add to his restlessness.

As they parted ways with a kiss on the 4th floor landing her hand lingered in his as they each stepped toward their door. She paused at her door to watch as he stepped into 4A and closed the door. She opened her door and entered her apartment.

When Leonard shut the door behind him, he felt the urge to burst into tears but he repressed them as he saw Sheldon staring up at him.

"You received a package via FedEx. I set it there by your laptop," Sheldon informed him. Leonard walked over and picked up the package. It was from the Physics Department of St. John's University. He opened the padded mailer to find an orange notepad with a note taped to the front. The note read, 'To Leonard Hofstader, we found this notebook in with Clara's research notebooks. It is clear that this was meant for you and you alone.' It was signed by someone name Audrey Olivia Dobbins, research coordinator. He stared at the notebook and opened it up. A page had been inserted into the front of the notebook and in a handwriting he recognized as Clara's he read, 'If you are reading this then…' He snapped the notebook closed.

"I'll be in my room, Sheldon. Please do not disturb me… for any reason." He placed his phone on the desk beside the laptop and quickly disappeared down the hallway.


	8. Chapter 8

The Square Root of Christmas – Chapter 8

This chapter is definitely of the MA variety. Please be aware there is Adult material in this chapter.

Saturday, January 5, 2013

Leonard awoke with a start. He looked over to Penny's side of the bed. It was empty. 'Oh' he thought, 'I told her I needed to be alone last night.' He immediately resented that decision. If there had ever been a time that he needed someone; no, not someone, Penny; it was now. He quickly stood and walked out of his bedroom. After a quick pit stop, he made his way to the living room to find Penny sitting on the couch in her pajamas and her feet tucked up under her; she had a coffee mug raised to her lips and was sipping it with pouty lips.

"Hey, you," she said as he entered the room. She stood up and walked to him and embraced him. "Sit down and let me get you a cup of coffee." He stumbled to the sofa and sat down as his eyes followed her to the kitchen.

'Would it be inappropriate to walk up behind her and wrap my arms around her and fondle her' he thought to himself. 'She probably wouldn't even realize that I spent the night reliving my life with Clara' he tried to rationalize.

"So," she said with her back still turned toward him, "what was in the notebook?"

"Umm," he started confusedly.

"Sheldon told me you got a package from St. John's University in New York; he said there was a notebook in it." Penny turned to look at him. Her face showed curiosity but there was no hint of jealousy.

"Yeah, her department head found a notebook when they were doing an inventory of her office. It was evidently meant for me, so she sent it to me," Leonard explained.

"So..." she prompted.

"It was just some notes that she jotted down about some research possibilities," he said as he looked at the floor at her feet. "There was some personal stuff, but mostly it was research notes."

"Uh huh," she tutted, "I see." He could tell by the tone of her voice that she didn't completely believe him, but the fact that she let it drop proved to him that she had matured in their relationship. She walked over to the couch handed him the coffee cup and sat in the center spot. "Sheldon is going to be gone most of the morning. He went with Amy to the model train store and they were going to stop by her lab and let her pick-up some notes she needed to finish a paper she's writing." She patted the seat next to her and said, "Come on over here and lay down with your head in my lap. I can tell you didn't sleep a lot last night."

He eyed her warily but sauntered on over and sat next to her. He took a large sip of the lukewarm coffee and sat the mug on top of a pile of Research papers. He maintained eye contact as he twisted and lowered his head into her lap. He settled his head and pivoted it until he found a comfortable position. She just smiled and moved her hand to rest on his abdomen as he relaxed.

In a soft voice she said, "Now close your eyes; you don't have to sleep, but I want you to rest." He smiled at that and thought, 'Yeah, get some rest. Like I can rest knowing that you are this close, with your hand just inches… stop that Leonard.' He had to derail those types of thought before his… 'shit. Little Leonard is already coming to attention.'

"Nice idea, sweetie," Penny said as she saw his lust manifest, "but you need rest, because when I get home from work tonight, you're going to need all your stamina."

""You have to work tonight?" he groaned.

"Not just tonight. I go in at eleven this morning. I'm working a lunch shift waiting tables and a dinner shift as the bartender," she sighed. "Now hush and rest." He closed his eyes and tried to think of something other than the memory of her breasts just inches above his face.

He didn't know how long he had dozed, but a sharp intake of breath awakened him. He opened his eyes and saw that Penny's head was tilted at an odd angle. She had fallen asleep. He slowly raised up to a sitting position and scooted down the couch. He gently lowered her so that now, she was lying with her head in his lap. He looked over to the clock on the stove and saw that the time was just nine o'clock. He had not slept for very long. He reached over Penny and pulled her legs up onto the sofa so that she would be comfortable. Her tank top had ridden up and her midriff was exposed. He started to pull her top back down over it, but his fingers brushed against her exposed skin and he began to make small concentric circles on her stomach. She wiggled and laughed as she opened her eyes.

"Hey, how did this happen?" she asked groggily.

"I woke up and you were asleep, so I tried to make you comfortable," He said softly.

"And you did that by tickling me?" she said sarcastically.

"I didn't mean to tickle you, I was just… I just wanted to touch you." He blushed.

"Well don't stop now," she said with a flourish.

"Did you know…" he started but stopped himself, "…oh…"

"Leonard," she said with concern, "were you about to tell me some fascinating piece of trivia?"

"Yes… but it's not important. I mean, you wouldn't be interested."

"Of course I'm interested," she began but saw the look of panic in his eyes. "But, if it's uncomfortable to talk about it…"

"No… well a little." A tear started to roll down his cheek.

"I really don't mind you talking about her. It has something to do with Clara, doesn't it?" He just nodded his head. "Please Leonard. Tell me the story."

He smiled at her and said, "Did you know that you can't tickle yourself?" He chuckled as her hand shot up to her side and she tried to tickle herself.

"Wow, you're right."

"It is believed that the tickle reflex is a genetic trait that is encoded into our DNA. It comes from a time that humans or human ancestors slept in caves. It was a defense mechanism for when poisonous spiders would crawl on them. They would need to be awakened to knock the spiders off before they could bite them." Penny just looked at him with curiosity. "When our project was completed, we were trying to come up with an idea for our next research topic…" His eyes glazed over as his mind brought that conversation vividly to his memory.

~ Flashback~

Leonard and Clara lay naked on top of the covers of her bed. He was panting and she was curled up in a ball against his mid-section. "Wow," she said and he just grinned. He reached down and stroked her side and she started to laugh. "Stop, you're tickling me."

"I love to hear you laugh," he said with a smile. She purred as his stokes became more luxuriant.

"You know…" she suddenly straightened, "I have an idea." He wiggled his eyebrows. "Not that… yet. No, for a research idea."

"Oh, that hurts. I almost die from cramps trying to take you to paradise and you're thinking about research," he said with false ire.

She gently slapped his chest. "We passed paradise about an hour ago. You were amazing…"

"But…" he prodded.

"Well, all the endorphins are making weird connections in my brain" she said.

"Go ahead. Tell what you're thinking" he relented.

She laid her head back on his chest and began to explain. "Well you know the theory behind tickling. Spiders crawling… etc. and the fact that you can't tickle yourself. Well it is supposedly the idea that because you know where you are going to touch yourself that the neurons don't fire to alert you that something is on your skin, because.. well your brain connects the two actions."

"Yeah," he agreed.

"So what about people that are not ticklish?" she conjectured. "Are they not ticklish because they know where the touch is going to be? Are they not ticklish because they are sensing the future in an imperceptible way?"

"You're saying that people who aren't ticklish are… what, psychic?" he said with disbelief.

"Well, maybe" she said as skepticism returned to her voice. "Well we could try to design an experiment to find out" she finished crestfallen, already doubting her hypothesis. "This endorphin withdrawal is messing with my head."

"Let's see if we can get you a fix. Top them endorphins off" he said as he pushed himself up off of the bead, twisted and settled himself above her as she smiled and spread her legs to welcome him.

~Present day~

Penny had watched the glossy look cloud over his eyes and she knew he was somewhere far away from her. His hand had continued to rub over her and she smiled to herself when his hand slipped under her shirt and began to massage each of her breasts in turn. A small part of her thought that she should be angry at him for touching her as his mind was thinking about 'her', and she was sure that was were his mind was. But the part of her that loved him could never be mad at him for remembering his first love.

"Honey" she finally interrupted his thought, "what were you saying?" She needed to bring him back to her. His touch was affecting her intensely, and she wanted his mind on her when… well, she knew she was getting close.

His mind snapped back to the here and now. He blushed when he realized he was fondling his girlfriend while his mind had been remembering Clara. He started to remove his hand from under her tank top, but Penny grabbed his wrist and glared at him.

"Don't you dare stop" she panted "Please don't stop." He saw her other hand drift toward her stomach and he was shocked to see her untie the slip knot that held her pajama bottoms in place. Then he saw the look on her face turn from a look of contentment to a look of pleading. He smiled at her as he wrested his hand free from her grip and meaningfully dragged it down her abdomen until his finger tips brushed against the top of her pajama bottoms. She gasped and closed her eyes in anticipation of his next move.

"Open," he said.

"Huh. What? She asked.

"I want you to open your eyes. Look at me as I…" he started.

"As you what?" she asked as she opened her eyes and locked on to his gaze.

"As I… As I show how much I love you," he said with a wispy voice. He angled his fingertips down and slipped them under the elastic of her panties. His eyes were locked on her as he tried to convey with a look all the desires that were flooding his neurons. He seemed to feel a wave of euphoria wash over him and he had to concentrate on her face to keep from passing out. His finger tip sensed the small nub at the cleft of her center and he heard a sudden intake of air as his eyes refocused on her. He could see the hazy look in her eyes that he knew must be reflected in his own and a smile came to his lips.

"Oh god, Leonard," she moaned. "oh god, I love you so much." Her eyes shut automatically to concentrate on the feelings he was giving her. But then they stopped. "What…?" she almost screamed.

"Open your eyes" he said in a stern voice that brought shivers to her spine; shivers that excited her all the more. She opened her eyes and he was smiling down at her and his fingers began once again to caress her. "I need you to see me... see the love in my eyes as I… try to give you pleasure," he explained.

"There is no… ohhh god, there is no try dammit there is only… shiiiiiittttt….. only do. You have know idea how much pleasure you are giving me" she said in a voice strained with the effort to control her volume.

He slipped his finger lower and slowly moved it up and down her opening, pausing ever so often to massage her clitoris. He kept her on the brink of orgasm for well over twenty minutes until she was pleading; both vocally and with her eyes to brink her over the edge and lead her into the chasm of bliss. He saw the look pass from want to need and he plunged two fingers into her as his thumb pressed down on her clitoris. Her body began to shake and spasm and her eyes locked onto his and burned a hole into his soul. Moments later when she was coming back to this reality from the place that Leonard had taken her she smiled at him and a tear ran down her cheek. Her eyes closed; not from need to shut out the sight of Leonard, but from complete weariness. Her body needed rest and her eyes shut without thought to Leonard's wishes. She reached down and took hold of the hand that he was removing from her pajama bottoms and she brought it to her lips and kissed him on the knuckles.

"Thank you Leonard." She entwined her fingers in his and brought their hands to her breasts. She wrapped her other hand around theirs and held them tightly to her. She sniffled and said, "I love you soooo much Leonard. Thank you."

He just sat their, holding her hand and thought about what he could say at this moment to let her know how much she meant to him. He was about to speak when he felt her grip loosen and he heard the first sounds of sleep escape her lips. She was snoring. He adjusted his sitting position and tried to find a position where his erection would not be poking her in the head. "Sleep tight, my love. I'll be here when you awake."


	9. Chapter 9

Square Root of Christmas Chapter 9

The lunch shift at The Cheesecake Factory had seemed to last forever. Penny had to constantly will herself to continue moving forward or she would have collapsed into the nearest chair and melted into goo. The one good thing about the events of the morning, previous to her coming in to work, was that she didn't have to paste on a smile for the customers. In fact, the people she waited on seemed to know what had gone on with her and her boyfriend. Either that or she was being paranoid; yeah, that was it, she was being paranoid. Surely everyone couldn't tell by the goofy grin on her face that her boyfriend had given her one of the three best orgasms she had ever had, that very morning. But now it was late afternoon and she was behind the bar and the afternoon crowd was small. It would pick-up closer to the dinner rush, but for now she was taking the opportunity to reflect on the morning and what she was planning for the night.

She surreptitiously smoothed her hand over her breast and down her body, gliding her hand over her hip. As she did so, she closed her eyes and imagined the look on Leonard's face when she revealed to him what she had bought with the money her parents had sent her for Christmas. She imagined Leonard's eyes growing with excitement as he saw the Wonder Woman bra and panty set that she had been wearing all day. She had been in a state of constant excitement and she had even started to realize that it was from the naughtiness of wearing something just for him. But even more than that, she thought, she had realized it was not from some sort of equation balancing necessity. She wanted to make him happy; full stop. His happiness was important to her; not as a means to entice him to do things to make her happy, she just needed Leonard to be happy.

She looked up at a customer that was approaching the bar area and a feeling of recognition swept over her, but she could not place the face. "What can I get you?" she asked as the patron crawled up onto the barstool.

"I'll have a Crown and Seven" the young brown haired woman said.

"I'll need to see some ID," Penny said almost apologetically, "It's restaurant policy."

The woman opened her purse and pulled out a document folder. She proffered it to Penny who glanced at it and gasped. Realizing that the bartender had recognized her name, she asked, "Penny?"

"Yes. Yes, I'm Penny. What are you doing here?" She realized the question might sound rude so she added, "I'm glad you are here. Have you told Leonard you're in town?"

"Yes, I stopped by to see him at his apartment, I brought him... I brought him some personal effects that Clara had left with our mother to give to him after her passing. In the turmoil, they had slipped my mother's mind." She saw Penny shake her head as if she did not truly believe this last statement. "I know that sounds a bit... well in this case our mother is being quite 'human'. She and Clara had become friends and she would not have played games with Leonard on that account."

Penny had completed the requested drink and sat it down in front of Rebecca. "What kind of... effects did you bring to Leonard?" she asked.

"She left a journal or diary you might say. It has a lock on it so I guess diary would be a more accurate term. And she had a small box of mementoes; ticket stubs and the likes. The kind of things one keeps as a teenager."

"Oh," Penny said.

"I realize that it seems odd, but Leonard was much younger then; they both were. They both had earned their doctorates, but he was in his early twenties and she was just nineteen. It may be hard to reconcile that image with the mature Leonard that you have come to know." Rebecca lifted the glass to her lips and sipped it demurely.

Penny laughed. "Sometimes I think he is still a small boy. He still loves his toys."

"I don't think he would be pleased to hear you call them toys... but you're right. In some ways his is still a child... at heart."

"Okay, we need to stop referring to my boyfriend as a child. I don't relish the thought of being a pedophile," Penny said with a smirk. She thought back to that morning and blushed. "He is definitely a man."

Rebecca saw the blush and extrapolated the meaning of Penny's declaration. "Umm, that's my brother. I don't want to know about it." They both laughed.

They chatted for a while and Rebecca was getting ready to leave. "Will I see you again before you head back east?" Penny asked.

"I'm staying with Leonard for the next two days, so I'm sure I'll see you around." Rebecca slid off of the barstool as Penny's manager walked up to the bar.

"Penny, that weird guy that comes in; your neighbor, is on the phone. He is demanding to talk to you." He handed her a portable phone and gave her a look of disappointment before turning and going back to the kitchen.

Penny stared at the phone for a moment before putting it to her ear. "What is your problem Sheldon?" She listened for a moment and then she gasped and the phone dropped towards the floor. Rebecca caught it before it dropped out of reach; Penny regained her faculties and took the phone. "I'm on my way Sheldon. I'll be there in twenty minutes." She hung up the phone. She just stared off into space.

"Penny. What's going on?" Rebecca asked.

"Ummmm. That was Sheldon," she said without inflection. "He and Amy just got back to the apartment..." she started to shiver.

"Is Leonard okay?" Rebecca said quietly.

"He's... He's not there. But they found the apartment in a mess; a broken coffee mug that looks like it had been thrown at the door, a hole was punched into the wall of the hallway... and... they found blood... there was blood by the sofa." She broke down and began to cry. "Oh, God."

"I'm sure he's okay," Rebecca tried to assure her. "I'll find your manager. You find your purse and keys. I'll drive us to the apartment." Penny was finally able to move and she went to the staff room to get her keys. A few minutes later she was tin the passenger seat of her own car as her boyfriend's sister drove her home, hopefully to find Leonard safe and waiting for her.


	10. Chapter 10

Square Root Chapter 10

Before Rebecca was able to bring the car to a full stop, Penny was out of the car and sprinting towards the apartment building. The doors rattled and vibrated with such intensity as she burst through them that Rebecca was afraid they would shatter, but they swung to and fro until they came to a silent rest as she approached them. She gingerly pushed on the door and stepped through. She hastily made her way up the stairs toward the fourth floor.

~ Apartment 4A ~

Penny rushed in through the open doorway to find Amy sitting on the sofa. Amy looked up at her with a stony look upon her face. Penny took a deep breath; her heart was pounding in her chest. The run up the stairs and the worry that had been burning in her chest the entire drive combined to make it feel as if an elephant was sitting on her chest. But before she could speak Amy spoke.

"We found Leonard, Penny," she began and patted the seat beside her. "He's okay, but you need to sit down."

"Where is he. I need to see him." Penny scanned the apartment and started to walk towards Leonard's room.

"He's not there," Amy said as she deduced where she was heading. "Sit down a minute. We need to talk."

"No," Penny said emphatically, "I need to talk to Leonard." She walked over and stood so that she was towering over the sitting Amy. "Where is he, Amy?" She leaned forward so that her eyes were staring directly in to Amy's eyes. "Tell me now, or so help me…"

"Penny, stop." Came a voice from the doorway. She turned to see Leonard's sister advancing toward her. Rebecca stepped beside her and put an arm around her and guided her to the seat beside Amy. "Let's not do anything rash." She turned to Amy and spoke, "My name is Rebecca. I am Leonard's sister. Can you tell us where Leonard is?"

Amy extended her hand and said, "I am Amy Farrah Fowler. Leonard is safe. We have bandaged his wound and he is…"

"Wound…," Penny shouted, "He's hurt." She stood abruptly. "Where is he?"

"Amy," Rebecca said as she stood to hold Penny in place, "is Leonard's wound life threatening or serious enough to require medical care?" Penny tensed as she glanced from Rebecca to Amy in anticipation of the answer.

"He will most likely need stitches, but no, it is not life threatening. As far as we can determine, he sustained lacerations to his hand in the attempt to remove it from the drywall through which he had punched his fist." Amy stood to stand in front of Penny. "He's…. He's not ready to talk to any one. He asked me to…"

"Where is he Amy?" Penny asked vehemently. "You tell me where he is right now."

Amy slouched and looked from Penny to Rebecca hoping for some back up. "I think it would be best if you told her," Rebecca said. "It's not going to help matters any if she has to tear the apartment up…," she glanced around, "…even more, to find him. She will find him."

"Okay," Amy acquiesced, "I'll take you to him, but you have to promise…"

"What?" Penny blurted out.

"I don't know what caused him to react the way he did, but he's still pretty shaken up. He was holding a book in his hand and mumbling. He talked to me and Sheldon a little bit, but for the most part he has been uncommunicative."

"But he has spoken to you and Sheldon in a limited amount." Rebecca said as Amy nodded her confirmation. She turned to Penny, "That means that whatever is going on, it is not a complete psychotic break."

"What the hell does that mean?" Penny squeaked. "Are you saying that Leonard has gone crazy?"

Amy interjected, "She's saying that he hasn't. He is able to communicate, he is just choosing not to at some level. The fact that he has spoken to me and Sheldon indicates that whatever is troubling him, it has not effected him to the extent of rendering him incapable of dealing with it."

"I don't know what all of that means. Just take me to him," Penny demanded.

"Okay," Amy said as she took Penny's hand and led her toward the door.

"Penny, just remember, when you see him don't be alarmed. Just try to be calm for him. Evidently something in Clara's diary upset him. If he sees that you're upset too, it could impact him negatively," Rebecca said soothingly. Penny just nodded her head and let Amy lead her out into the hallway and towards the stairs heading upwards.

Amy opened the door that led to the roof access and the setting sun was framed in the doorway. They all raised their hands to shield their eyes as they took the final step up onto the roof. Penny could hear the sound of the traffic below and she paused a moment to let her eyes adjust to the light. She took a step forward and almost ran directly into Sheldon's back.

"What the hell?" Penny blurted out. "Sheldon?"

"Penny, what are you doing here?" Sheldon asked as his gaze searched out Amy. "Amy, I thought we decided that it was best if she didn't come up here?"

"I didn't give her a choice," Penny rebutted.

"It's okay Sheldon. I'll talk to her." Penny turned her head toward the voice of Leonard. He was sitting on the ledge overlooking the front of the building. "Hey Penny, sorry to cause such a fuss. You didn't need to leave work early to come check on me."

"Of course I did," Penny said softly as she strode toward him. "You are my boyfriend and something has evidently upset you. What else could I do?" He held up his undamaged hand as she approached. She reached out to take it but he pulled it away from her.

"That's close enough to talk. I don't…." he stopped mid-sentence. "Sheldon. Amy. Could you give us a few minutes to talk?"

"We need to get you to the doctor. You need to have your hand looked at." Amy stated.

"When you get downstairs. Go ahead and call me a taxi. I'll take it to the emergency room." Leonard said to Sheldon.

"Belay that order Mr. Spock. I'll be taking him." Penny said. She looked at Leonard expecting to see him smile at her Star Trek terminology, but he only raised his eyes to look at Sheldon and nodded. Sheldon disappeared down the stairwell and Amy followed him.

"Rebecca, I'm sorry. I am not being a good host. I promise that when I get back from getting stitches…." Leonard started.

"Hey, you don't worry about me. I understand." Rebecca took a few steps towards him but stopped when she was standing beside Penny. "You just tell me what you need. I'm here for you. That is what this visit is about."

"Give me a few minutes alone with Penny, and then when I get back, I'll take you to a late dinner," Leonard said. Rebecca just nodded and walked back to the stairwell and was gone.

Penny took a step toward Leonard, "Come on Honey, let's get you to the emergency room."

Leonard shrank back and she stopped. "I'll take the cab." She looked at him with confusion. "Sheldon is calling me a cab. Even if he didn't understand my gesture, I'm sure Amy will make sure that he calls me a cab."

"Why?" Penny asked. "Why are you doing this? I can take you. Why won't you let me?"

Leonard sighed and took a deep breath. "That night at the bowling alley…" he started.

"What? What are you talking about?" She asked.

"The night that Will Wheaton was bowling against us. The night that…"

"The night I made the biggest mistake of my life," she finished for him.

"…that you broke up with me," he continued as if he had not heard her. "I play that night, and the days before over and over in my head; day after day. I try to imagine what was going on between us that would have prompted that reaction. I know that I told you I love you…"

She noticed that he still used the present tense of the word love and her heart fluttered.

"…but that should not have precipitated your terminating our relationship. It was always a mystery to me. But then I read this." He held up the diary of Clara and she saw that the lock had been pried open. "She didn't mean for my mother to send this to me. It was a mistake."

"What does it say in there?" Penny asked.

"It's confirmation of what I had feared for a long time. Ever since my mother called me on the night of Christmas." He became silent and turned toward the front of the building; away from Penny.

"What does it say, Leonard?"

"It confirms that Clara loved me," he stated matter-of-factly.

"Surely, that is good; knowing that she loved you." Penny said with confusion.

"Don't you see?" he said and turned to look at her. There was a look of bewilderment on her face. He pointed to the diary that he had laid on the ledge. "She professes her great love for me in one sentence and then the next says that she is letting me go… for my sake." He paused and tears began to stream down his face. "She writes in great detail how she is sacrificing her happiness in order to let me live my life without having to watch her die. She was diagnosed with MS while I was at Cal-Tech and she made the decision that I…" he turned away from Penny abruptly. "She writes that she didn't want to ruin my life. She was letting me go to live a life without her."

Penny moved abruptly to him and put an arm around him. He remained rigid and did not acknowledge her. "She just wanted what was best for you. She…" Penny stopped and gasped. "That's what I did. Isn't it?"

"She took ten years that I could have been happy and locked them away with her." He stood and moved toward the stairwell. "I'll wait in the lobby for the cab."

"Please, Leonard. Talk to me. Don't leave me like this." Penny followed him as he descended to the 5th floor landing. "You think that I was doing the same thing."

"Weren't you?" he asked. "I didn't hear everything that Will said to you, but I think I got the gist. You decided to hurt me sooner than later."

"You heard that? Why didn't you say something?" she asked.

"What was I going to say? 'I know you don't love me but you can break my heart later. I don't mind'. No. You decided that you didn't love me and there was nothing I could do to make you love me. I couldn't; can't change who I am." He had made it to the 4th floor landing and his sister stepped out of 4A. She fell in step behind him and Penny was right behind her.

"The taxi will be out front in less than five minutes. I will accompany you to the ER and make sure you get back home safely." Rebecca informed him.

"That is not necessary," Leonard responded.

"No, it isn't," Rebecca agreed, "But I am going to do it anyway."

"That's what I said," Penny interrupted, "But he won't listen to me."

Leonard stopped halfway down to the second landing and turned to face Penny. "Isn't this what you wanted. A relationship is just an inconvenience. If I truly loved you, I wouldn't want to be a burden or possibly hurt your feelings somewhere down the line. It's a kindness to end this now." He turned and continued down the stairs.

"Am I missing something?" Rebecca asked.

"Clara loved him," Penny said in a raised voice. "She loved him and broke up with him and I did to and now he's doing it to me."

"That didn't make sense," Rebecca admitted.

Leonard stopped in the lobby and stood by the door so that he could see when the taxi approached. "Clara knew she had MS when she broke up with me. She dumped me because she didn't think I could love her anymore. She thought that with the MS…"

"She wanted to spare you the pain of seeing her suffer," Rebecca finished. "I thought that might have been the case." Leonard looked at her in disbelief. "No, I didn't know about it then. But when you called me and told me that you were on your way to see her and that Beverly…" She corrected herself, "Mother had been keeping in touch, I called her and asked her what was going on. Mother told me about Clara's illness and I deduced that she had broken up with you because of it."

"How could anyone think like that?" Leonard sobbed. "I could have spent everyday for the pasted ten years letting her know that I loved her."

"She knew you loved her." Leonard and Rebecca turned to see Penny sitting on the bottom step with her head in her hands. "She knew it, just like I've known it for years. You love me and I have treated you like crap."

"Penny, it's not your fault. You can't feel something that is not there. I don't blame you, but I can't live my life worrying that you might decide at any moment that you don't want to try anymore." Leonard moved towards here and sat down beside her. "I know that you wanted to break up with me a couple of months ago." She looked at him with astonishment. "Sheldon was acting all weird and made up some ridiculous story. Bernadette and Amy wouldn't make eye contact with me for over a week. I may not be a genius when it comes to human behavior, but I am my mother's son."

"If you knew… then you…" she stammered.

"Used my puppy dog eyes to get you into bed?" he finished for her.

"I almost made the same mistake twice… but I didn't," she exclaimed. "I changed my mind."

"That time. But what if next time you don't change your mind. I can't live my life on a roller coaster. If you can't love me and trust me to love you, then how can I make it from day to day." Leonard stood and walked towards the door. "Maybe you're right; it's better to end this now before one of us gets hurt."

"Okay Leonard, you're right. I've made your life a living hell for the past five years. You want this to be over, then you tell me right here and now that it is over. Tell me that you don't love me. Tell me that you are better off without me in your life. Tell me… tell me and I will go upstairs, pack my bags and go back to Nebraska. I'll live the rest of my life on the farm as an old maid. Because you, Leonard; you are the only person that has ever loved me for who I am, not what I am. Say the word and I'll be gone."

Leonard looked at her with astonishment. "I could never say that I don't love you. It would be a lie. But that doesn't mean…"

"That means that you are stuck with me." He heard a horn blow from outside and looked to see the cab had arrived. "You and your sister go to the ER, but you call me and let me know when you are leaving. If it's not too late, I'll meet you for dinner. If it gets too late, I'll fix us some snacks." He looked at her with doubt. "I haven't had a chance to show you what I bought with my Christmas money." She reached up and pulled the collar of her work shirt down to reveal the edge of the wonder woman bra. His eyes grew huge. "And…, she teased, "it's a matching set."

He swallowed hard. "We'll talk more about this later." He turned and walked out the door. Rebecca followed close behind him and Penny saw that she had a smile on her face because she was happy for her brother.


	11. Chapter 11

Square Root Chapter 11

Leonard and Rebecca had been sitting silently in the ER waiting room for almost an hour. Rebecca had filled out the paperwork for him, turned it in to the intake nurse and returned to sit next to him. She had draped her arm around him and pulled him in to a gentle embrace. He had reacted by tensing up, but had gradually relaxed and lowered his head to her shoulder. Finally, the charge nurse announced his name and they stood to follow her into the exam area.

They entered exam room number 7 and a nurse prompted him to sit up on the exam table and he did so. She took his hand and began to clean the area of the laceration.

"I had an altercation with my hallway wall." He laughed nervously and the nurse just looked at him with a blank face. "You should see the other guy," he tried again but she just glanced over at Rebecca.

"I don't think this is a good time for humor, Leonard," Rebecca stated and the nurse gave her an appreciative look.

"I'm sorry," Leonard said, "I ramble sometimes."

"How long ago did this happen?" the nurse asked.

"Going on about three hours. I'm sorry. I was just being stupid and here I am taking you away from someone that might really be sick or hurt badly." Leonard looked over to Rebecca for assurance.

"That's what we are here for, Mr. Hofstader. Now, I've got the area cleaned and prepped. The doctor will be here in a few minutes to stitch you up." She looked over to Rebecca. "Are you his girlfriend? Do you have any injuries that we need to take a look at?"

Rebecca scrunched her forehead and then replied, "No… No. I'm his sister. And for the record, I appreciate that you need to ask those questions, but in this case it really was a wall. My brother made a rash decision and took his anger out on a wall. He has never and would never lash out at a person in anger." Leonard stared at her in confusion and she saw his look of incomprehension. "She asking if this is an injury from a case of domestic violence. She has to determine if you were in an altercation and assaulted someone; i.e. a wife or a girlfriend."

"Oh… Ohhhhh…. God no," Leonard said. "I would never.. I couldn't…"

"It's okay Leonard. She just has to ask these questions. It's just routine," Rebecca calmed him as she stepped toward him. The nurse turned to leave.

"I would never do something like that," he exclaimed as the nurse pulled the curtain closed behind her. He turned to Rebecca with a look of horror on his face. "How could she think that? Who would…"

"There are a lot of bastards in this world Leonard. I'm sure she's run across a lot of them in her line of work. She's just doing her job. She has to report any cases that she thinks may be a result of domestic abuse."

"Do you think that she thinks…" he started.

"No, there is no way she could possible think that this is a domestic abuse situation. She was just following protocols by asking the questions." Rebecca rubbed his back and Leonard began to relax. "Do you want to talk about it?" She felt him tense up again.

"I was an asshole to Penny." It was a statement not a question but he looked up to her for confirmation.

"A little bit," she confirmed. "It's actually a little reassuring to see you show such a level of emotion." He looked at her with disbelief. "The way Beverly… mother raised us; it really…"

"I know," Leonard stopped her. "That was one of the reasons I took the job at Caltech." She looked at him and squinted her eyes in an attempt t get him to explain further. "When Clara…" his voice changed slightly at the use of her name but he took control of the emotion that was rearing its head. He swallowed hard and she stopped rubbing his back and stepped in front of him.

"We can talk about this later if it's too much right now." She said as she brushed back a lock of hair that had fallen into his face.

He shook his head and carried on. "I was really hurt by Clara's decision and there was no one I could talk too, so… I called the person who had asked me to come to Caltech for the lecture and inquired if there might be a position available and she was happy to have be come out here." He looked up at Rebecca and there was a frown on his face. "The only regret I ever had about that decision was that instead of you being a couple of hours away, you were a world away." His frown started to fade and a smile came to his face. "I've missed you so much." She enclosed him in a hug and he wrapped his arms around her and they both shed a tear as they relished in the warmth of each others' embrace.

~ Apartment 4B ~

Penny sat silently on the sofa with her legs pulled up underneath her and her arms wrapped around herself as if she were trying to warm herself. Her phone was on the arm of the sofa beside her and she kept glancing at it willing it to ring. It had been almost two hours since Leonard had left with Rebecca; surely they should be leaving pretty soon. Would he call her? He hadn't said he would; he just said they would talk later. She heard a knock at the door and waited. No triple knock and her name; it wasn't Sheldon. She stood and walked to the door and looked out the spy-hole. All she saw was the top of a blond head, it must be Bernadette. She opened the door and Bernadette stepped forward and hugged Penny.

"Hey, Bernadette," she said in surprise. "What are you doing here? I thought you and Howard had plans with his mother this evening."

"We do… did. Amy called and said Leonard had been hurt and was on his way to the ER. When she said that you hadn't gone with him, I knew something had to be wrong so I came straight here from work. I told Howard he would have to go to his mother's alone. So what's going on?" Bernadette released her and strode to the couch and sat down.

Penny slowly walked over and sat beside her. "I think Leonard has decided that I'm not worth the trouble," she started and immediately began to sob as her voice failed her and she leaned down and put her head on Bernadette's shoulder and her body began to tremble. Bernadette put an arm around her and Penny said quietly, "I need him. I love him so much." Bernadette swayed her body so that she was rocking Penny back and forth.

"He knows that sweetie. He knows you love him; and he loves you. It will be alright. Shhhh, hush now and rest. When you're ready, you tell me what is going on." She reached her other hand up and stroked Penny's hair. "Everything's going to be okay," and she prayed that she was right.


	12. Chapter 12

Square Root of Christmas Chapter 12

**Note: This chapter has adult content.**

Leonard, Penny and Rebecca all sat at a round table in the IHOP restaurant that was just down the street from the hospital. Penny had sprinted out to the car and drove as fast as she could as soon as she had put the phone down. Rebecca had called about 8:30 and said that she and Leonard were going to walk down the street to grab a bite to eat before heading back to the apartment. Penny had said that she would be right there and not given Rebecca a chance to say that Leonard would prefer that she not go to the trouble of driving across town to meet them.

"Is your hand hurting?" Penny asked as she glanced up at Leonard. Leonard just stared at his hand sitting on the table in front of him. Penny fidgeted and looked back down at her hands resting in her lap.

"Pourquoi êtes-vous étant si grossier?" Rebecca said as she lightly slapped Leonard on the arm. Leonard looked up at her sharply but them pivoted his head to speak to Penny who had a look of puzzlement on her face.

"My sister says I should quit being an ass." Leonard sighed. "I'm sorry I have been so…"

"I did not say you were being an ass," Rebecca said.

"Leonard, I know this has been rough for you. But I just want you to know that I'm here and I am not going anywhere." She smiled at him and reached across the table to squeeze his uninjured hand. She was about to continue when the waitress approached to take their order. As soon as she had parted, Penny continued, "What did the doctor say about your hand?"

"They were just minor lacerations; just two stitches and the rest he sealed with superglue." Leonard laughed, "I didn't even cry this time." Penny laughed too.

"Am I missing out on the joke?" Rebecca asked.

"Ha, last time Leonard had to have stitches…" Penny started but trailed off as she remembered Leonard telling her about the incident with Stephanie.

"I was dating a surgeon at the time," Leonard picked up the story. "I cut my hand trying to open a jar. Stephanie took me to the ER and sewed my hand up. I admit, I did cry a little." A silence settled upon them and they all began to sip on the beverages that had been brought to them earlier.

"So Penny," Rebecca said into the awkward silence, "Leonard tells me that you're an actress. Have you been in anything…" Penny tensed at the thought that she might be about to ask if she were having any success and she would have to tell her 'No, I'm a complete failure'. But the conclusion of the question was unexpected, "…interesting. I always thought it would have been wonderful to be able to act on the stage or screen, But I have no talent for it whatsoever," Rebecca finished.

"I've done a couple of showcases and community theatre things that were fun; oh and a hemorrhoid commercial. But, none of it has…" Penny trailed off.

"Penny is a wonderful actress," Leonard piped in. "She just needs the right person to see her perform and give her that first big break." Penny smiled at him and thought she saw a glimmer of the Leonard that she loved. Leonard turned his attention to Rebecca, "Becs, have you talked to Lawrence since you got here? Is he doing okay with little 'Tiger'?" He looked to Penny, "Tiger is my nephew; he's five years old."

"Oh, that's sweet," Penny said and could not think of anything else to say.

"He's got a cold, but Lawrence called earlier and said the he's not running a fever." Rebecca said to fill the silence. They lapsed into silence and they all fidgeted about waiting for there food to arrive.

It was uncomfortable for a while, but when the food arrived, they all delved in with enthusiasm. As they ate, Leonard's body language relaxed and he looked up to Penny and he smiled. He sat his fork beside his plate and reached to put his hand on her arm. "Thank you. Thank you for..."

"You don't need to thank me for anything, sweetie."

"I do. I need to thank you for coming into my life and saving me. You saved me from a life without love."

Penny sat her utensil down and put her other hand on top of his. "You don't have to thank me for loving you."

"No, you don't understand. I'm not thanking you for loving me. My thanks is for... when I met you and fell in love with you, it made me realize that I could love. I finally had empirical proof that I was capable of love. I had confirmation that what I had felt for Clara was love. I had never known what love was supposed to feel like. But when the chemical reactions in my brain reacted to both your beauty and your soul, I had a basis to compare to my previous interactions and was able to quantify the results of that earlier stimuli."

"Leonard, I'm not sure that that is a proper way to say what you are trying to say," Rebecca admonished him.

"That's okay" Penny said, "I'm not sure I understood most of it." She looked intently at Leonard. "Are you saying that you are thanking me, not for loving you, but because you love me? That doesn't make sense."

"My life doesn't make sense anymore. Just know this, I love, and will always love you. No matter what my life brings, I will always have the knowledge of love. If there ever comes a time where our lives take their separate ways, I will have the imprint of your soul on my soul."

Penny's mind was swirling. She was confused and yet her heart was on the verge of bursting. This man with whom she was sharing her bed was laying his soul bare to her. 'If he asks me now...'; god what was she thinking, 'if he asks me to marry him now, I'll have to say yes; I won't have a choice.' She looked him in the eyes and begged him with her eyes to ask the question.

Leonard saw the intensity in her eyes and on thought popped into his mind. 'I need her now.' He extracted his hand from her grip and lowered his eyes. He moved his hands to his lap and said softly, "Rebecca, could you give me a moment alone with Penny?"

Rebecca simply nodded her head and stood from the table. As she walked away, towards the back of the restaurant, Penny's eyes were locked on Leonard. 'Will he get down on one knee or will he just take my hand in his and ask me?' She started to fidget as Leonard remained silent. 'Oh god Leonard' she thought, 'just say those words and I'll…'

"Penny," he looked up at her and she good feel a warmth spreading through her, "are you…" her eyebrows wrinkled, 'are you' and not 'will you', what could he be asking?

"Are you still wearing the Wonder Woman undies?" He smiled at her.

'Well that was not what she was expecting to hear him ask.' "What?" Penny was confused. "Yeah, why are you asking? What does that have to do with…?" She stopped in mid-question.

"With what?" Leonard asked.

"Nothing," Penny said emphatically. The warmth that she had felt suddenly turned to an icy chill that ran down her spine and settled into a cold lump in her stomach. Why had she thought that he might still want to marry her? She had denied him at least a dozen times that he had asked; ever since that first time in mid coitus. "I just thought that… I just thought that.. well…" Leonard just looked at her in confusion. "Nothing. Let's get you home and into bed. You've had a long day and I know you must be tired."

"I need to tell you something Penny." She looked at him and he thought he could see tears welling up in her eyes. 'Why would she be wanting to cry? Have I done something to hurt her?' "Penny… I am so frisky right now. I was wondering if…" he stopped suddenly as he saw his sister returning.

"What?" Penny asked. "What are you saying?" Then she saw Rebecca and understood why Leonard had stopped. As Rebecca sat back down Penny said, "I'm going to run to powder my nose before we head home." She stood and smiled at Leonard as she turned and walked towards the restroom.

"I guess I had better go too; don't think I'll make it home if I don't." Leonard stood and followed Penny.

As he turned the corner that led to the restrooms, he saw Penny entering the women's restroom. He reached it before the door had shut completely and put his hand up to stop it from closing. He peered in to see Penny trying to push the door closed. 'Good' he thought, "it's a single restroom, no chance anyone else could be in there.'

"What are you doing?" Penny said.

"Let me in. I need to finish what I was saying." Leonard said as Penny reluctantly stepped back and let him enter the restroom. As he shut the door behind him and locked it he said, "I need you. I need you now Penny."

He turned back to her and she had a look of horror on her face. 'Could he really be thinking what I think he is thinking?' she pondered. "Leonard what are you…?"

"Right here. Right now. I want you so bad." She was flabbergasted as she saw his hands move to the waist of his trousers and start to unbutton them.

She turned away from him; she couldn't look at him and say what she had to say. As she turned, she realized that the wall mirror behind the sink kept him in her vision. He stepped up behind her and reached around her to put his hands on her breasts. She could see his eyes were closed as he moved the hair away from her neck with his chin and lightly pressed his lips to her skin. She felt his tongue as he traced the curve of her neck. 'Damn him. She didn't want to do this here. She wasn't an animal that rutted in any place that was convenient.'

"Leonard…" she started to protest.

"Penny. You are so beautiful. I love the feel of your teats in my hands." He felt her body tense. "Don't worry. I locked the door. No one can walk in on us."

She tried to lean forward out of his grasp but the sink caused her lower body to remain were it was and she found herself being bent over the sink. She felt his hands leave her breast and she thought, 'he's realized that I'm not enjoying this and he's going to stop.' She began to straighten back up but froze when she felt his uninjured hand slide up her inner thigh to cup her pussy. She felt her body begin to yield; this wasn't ideal, but she did love him and what harm could a little fondling in a washroom do? She involuntarily moaned as she felt a finger slip under the elastic of the leg hole. She felt Leonard apply just a touch of pressure as he moved the finger across the folds of her lips. She felt herself moisten at the intrusion and Leonard's finger slipped into her up to his first knuckle. He stopped.

She wanted to scream. Her mind said, 'Good, he's stopped. This is over.' But her body screamed, 'Don't stop now.' Then his hand was gone and her body shook with relief. She started to straighten up but then his hand was on the waistband of her panties and he was pulling them down her leg. She began to panic and twisted her body to try and stop him, but his body was laid across her and she couldn't move. In an instant her panties were down to her knees and she felt the tip of Leonard's cock brush against her lips. She heard him grunt and realized he was having to reach up on his tip toes in order to reach her opening. She felt the tip slip between her lips and she finally came to her senses. "Stop. Please stop." She saw his reflection in the mirror as his eyes popped open. She saw the recognition in his eyes as she saw the look on her own face. Her face was twisted into an expression of horror. She sensed, more than felt, his erection soften and disappear as he steeped backwards, away from her. She turned and reached to pull her panties up as she stepped towards him. He shook his head as if trying to awake out of a dream.

"I'm sorry Penny. God, I'm so sorry." He pulled his pants up and tried to refasten the button with one hand without much success. She reached to him to try and help but he turned and ran out of the door. Penny was stunned into silence. She stood there not knowing what to do for a long moment.

"Penny?" She heard the voice of Rebecca, "What's going on? Leonard just ran out into the street like a bat out of hell."

Penny opened the door to see Rebecca standing there with a look of worry on her face. "I think I may have screwed up again," and she broke into tears.


	13. Chapter 13

Square Root of Christmas Chapter 13

Leonard sat on a bench and cradled his hand to his chest. It was throbbing with every beat of his heart which seemed to thunder in his head. The rhythm of his pulse was like a drum beat and he began to move his body in a rocking motion in time with it. He had run as far as he could before his legs would not take him any further. He had found this bench and collapsed on to it. 'Penny, what have I done? Oh god, I'm an evil bastard.' He heard a noise to his left and turned his head to see a dog walk out of the shadows and approach him with trepidation. The dog sniffed at his feet and crawled under the bench directly below Leonard and curled up into a ball.

Leonard looked down at the dog in disbelief. He could swear that it was his dog "Mitzi", but his mother had told him that Mitzi was dead. He shook his head to clear away the bad memory. He heard someone clear their throat and he looked around to see if he could see anyone; no one was there. He closed his eyes to try to focus. There seemed to be a cloud around his peripheral vision and it disquieted him.

"Leonard, can I talk to you for a minute?" a voice beside him asked. He turned to see Clara sitting beside him with her hands in her lap.

"Of course you can talk to me. You know you can talk to me any time." Leonard turned so that his body was facing Clara.

"You know that I care for you more than I've ever cared for anyone else in my life," Clara said and Leonard thought he detected a tremor in her voice. He reached for her, wanting to embrace her but she pulled back. "Please Leonard. I need to say this and if you… if you touch me, I'll lose my nerve."

"What can you have to say that you think you need courage to say?"

"I can't see you anymore Leonard. I need some space. I need you to care for me enough to let me go." He could see the tremor in her voice manifest itself throughout her body.

"Are you breaking up with me? Did I do something wrong? Did I not do something that I should have? Is there another guy? Why are you doing this?" Leonard could feel his body becoming numb. He wanted to stand and look down on her and make her explain why she was doing this, but he remained seated. He looked down and Mitzi was in his lap. He was stroking her and he realized that tears were falling onto her back. He was crying.

"It is nothing you have or haven't done. God, you are perfect Leonard. I couldn't ask for anyone to be more perfect. I just…" she trailed off.

"If I'm so perfect, why are you doing this? Spring break is coming up; let's take a couple of days, go somewhere and talk about this" he begged.

"If you care about me, Leonard, let me go. Do this for me." She broke down into tears. He ignored her wishes and wrapped his arm around her and Mitzi jumped to the ground. He put his other arm around her and held her tightly.

~ IHOP Restaurant ~

Rebecca was sobbing quietly and Penny had her arm draped around her. She had told Leonard's sister an abbreviated version of what had happened in the washroom and Rebecca had astonished her by saying that it was her fault.

"I asked the doctor to give him something for the pain..." she looked up to Penny, "He doesn't like to take medication; well pain meds."

"This from a guy that has every kind of allergy medicine known to man?" Penny asked.

"I know, it doesn't make sense. But he doesn't like them. I told him that the doctor was giving him prescription dose of Tylenol, but I really asked him to prescribe Lortab."

"Isn't that pretty strong?" Penny asked.

"Strongish, but it is pretty common for pain after procedures. I just thought that he would not hurt as much tonight if he was able to have some." Rebecca looked up at Penny. "I need to go after him. He's only had a few minutes head start." She walked to the door. "He ran out and turned right, like he was going back toward the hospital." She turned to look back at Penny. "I'll find him. I promise."

"I'm going with you" Penny exclaimed. "Two sets of eyes are better than one."

Rebecca was about to protest as they walked out onto the sidewalk and looked in the direction that Leonard had run. "I don't think we have to look too far." She pointed up the street and Penny turned to follow her finger. "He didn't make it too far" she said as she sprinted away. Penny followed closely behind her. Leonard was sitting on the ground just a half of a block away. Rebecca slowed and approached him slowly and saw Penny dash past her. Rebecca put her arm out and held Penny back before she could reach Leonard.

"Hold on Penny. Don't startle him." Penny stopped just before reaching him. "He's saying something. What is he saying?" Rebecca eased closer to hear what Leonard was saying.

"_What can you have to say that you think you need courage to say?" _she heard him say and then he was silent. She reached out to touch him, but drew back when he continued to speak. _"Are you breaking up with me? Did I do something wrong? Did I not do something that I should have? Is there another guy? Why are you doing this?" _Penny and Rebecca stared on in disbelief as Leonard seemed to be talking to someone that was not there. Penny gasped as Leonard lowered his eyes from the unseen specter and began to rub his uninjured hand up and down his leg as if he were petting an animal. Penny jerked as Leonard spoke again.

"If I'm so perfect, why are you doing this? Spring break is coming up; let's take a couple of days, go somewhere and talk about this"

Rebecca and Penny watched as Leonard lurched forward and grasped at the air and his body began to sway to and fro. Penny couldn't stand it any longer and she rushed the last few feet and sat down heavily on the ground next to him. She wrapped her arms around him and pleaded with him, "Leonard, Leonard talk to me Leonard." When he didn't respond she held him closer.

Tears ran down his face and Clara had stopped sobbing. He couldn't hear her and the breath that had been hot on his neck was no longer there. He felt a tightness, as if something was trying to squeeze the very life out of him. 'Is this a physical manifestation of despair? Am I feeling the actual lose of love as pain?' Then something reached inside him and pulled him back to reality. "I love you Leonard. Please talk to me." He squinted, trying to focus on the voice, but it seemed so far away. He felt a hand on his back, rubbing him. Then another voice, "Leonard, I need you to concentrate. Concentrate on my voice. You are hallucinating. The pain medication you were given is making you see things."

Rebecca had knelt down beside him and was trying to connect to him. "Penny, please stand back. If he gets too confused, he may lash out."

"No, I'm not letting go until I have him back." Penny declared.

"Penny, is that you?" Leonard said in a meek voice. "Is that you?" He twisted his head to the right to look up into her face. He smiled at her.

"Yes, I'm here sweetie. I'm here. You're going to be okay." Penny try to calm him. He looked at her and she could see recognition beginning to return to his eyes. Suddenly he lurched backwards away from Penny and almost knocked Rebecca to the ground. "Whoa, Leonard. What's wrong?" Penny pleaded.

"Oh god, what have I done? You must hate me. I… I… am so sorry Penny."

"Do you remember what happened?" she asked calmingly.

"Of course I remember." He said with a questioning tone. "I tried to… no I did. I… I… raped you. I forced my way into the washroom and I made you…"

Rebecca gasped. "What is he talking about, Penny?"

"I didn't tell you everything that happened" she said to Rebecca and then turned to Leonard, "You did not rape me. Yes you were overly aggressive and… acting crazy, but Leonard, listen to me carefully; when I said stop, you stopped."

"But I had already…" he argued.

"When I said stop, you stopped. That is that. I let it go too far before I stopped you; but you did stop." She moved forward and embraced him again.

"I'm a monster. I… I… I should be arrested. You need to call the police" he begged.

"Leonard, listen to me" Penny said with authority. "You are not a monster."

"How could I do that to you?" he sobbed.

"Rebecca moved forward and put her hand on his shoulder. "Leonard who were you talking too before we arrived?"

"Clara came by. She said she needed to talk to me" he said as if stating a fact. He turned his face away and said, "she came by to break up with me. She says she doesn't want t see me anymore." He looked around at the ground around him and got a perplexed look on his face. "I need to feed Mitzi. I forgot to feed her this morning before I left for my classes."

"Leonard," Rebecca calmed, ""Mitzi passed away about a year ago. Clara is gone. Do you know where you are right now?" He moved his head from side to side. He saw Penny and Rebecca and realized he was on small patch of grass next to a major intersection. He stretched his neck, trying to peer past his sister. He knew if he could just find her again, he could make Clara comeback to him. His adrenaline was pumping and he could feel his heart race. 'Clara wasn't here. She passed away. I saw her die.'

A tear rolled down his cheek as his mind lurched back into sync with reality. "Pasadena, California. January 5th. My name is Leonard Hofstader. Clara is dead. Mitzi is dead. I tried to rape my girlfriend Penny. I am a monster. Please take me home." He stood up with difficulty and noticed that his pants were still unbuttoned. Penny Reached in to help him button them and he tried to Back away.

"Stop it Leonard. Let me help you." She reached again and he allowed her to button his pants.

"I'm sorry you had to chase me so far. I just kept running until I couldn't run anymore. I was so mad at myself." Leonard apologized.

"Leonard, honey, you only made it just over a block away." Rebecca took him by the hand and started to lead him toward the parking lot. "Penny would you mind giving us a lift home?"

"Just a block? I felt like I ran for hours" he said as Rebecca opened the door for him and he fell into the seat. "Just a block" he repeated as he leaned back. He had fallen asleep before Penny could pull out of the parking lot.

Penny and Rebecca looked at each other in the rearview mirror. "Will he be okay?" Penny asked.

"He'll be fine. Once the Lortab is out of his system, he'll be fine. But it may take a while to come to grips with what he saw tonight." Rebecca leaned back in the seat and pondered the events of the night.


	14. Chapter 14

Square Root of Christmas Chapter 14

It was just after noon on Sunday. Leonard lay in Penny's bed curled into a ball. Penny sat next to him with her hand resting on his hip. Rebecca walked in and stood over them. "I'll watch him; you go take a nap. I promise to wake you up as soon as he awakes." Penny just stared up at her but just nodded her head as she stood.

"Promise. As soon as he shows any sign of waking up," Penny said quietly.

"Between the Lortab and the antihistamine I gave him when we got here, he should sleep a few more hours." She rubbed Penny's arm as she passed her.

"Do you think he'll remember everything... well, you know about last night?"

"I've read studies that were written about this particular side effect of Lortab, and most seem to indicate that in about seventy percent of the cases, memory of the hallucinations are gone within the first twenty-four hours after the drug is out of the system."

"No... I mean about the... you know." Penny fidgeted.

"That was part of the hallucination too. The things he did were just a reaction to the Lortab. I don't think my brother would have acted so... so... if he hadn't been..." Rebecca trailed off.

"Thank you. I hope you're right, for his sake," Penny said. She walked out of the room and closed the door behind her.

Rebecca sat on the bed next to her brother and sighed. "Oh Leonard. I'm so sorry. I wish I could..."

"You have nothing to be sorry about," came a soft, hesitant voice from underneath the covers.

"You're awake. Hold on, I'll get Penny," Rebecca said as she stood.

"No... Please don't." Leonard peaked his head out from under the covers. "I need to talk to you about some things before... before I have to face her."

Rebecca sat back down and Leonard moved himself into a sitting position. "First of all... Thank you for taking care of me last night. I did some stupid things and I need to apologize."

"Stop..." Rebecca said loudly.

"Shhhhh," Leonard said quietly, "She'll hear you and come back in here."

"I don't want to hear your apologies," she said in a quieter tone. "Last night was an anomaly. A deviant set of data. That was not you. Yesterday didn't happen."

"But it did." Leonard leaned back against the headboard. "The things that Clara wrote in that notebook..." He paused as he fought back tears. "She said she loved me and then pushed me away. She robbed me of the opportunity to..." his voice trailed off.

"The opportunity to do what?" she asked. Leonard remained silent and stared off towards the window. "Leonard, the opportunity to do what?"

He slowly turned his head to face his sister. "I don't know. I never got a chance to explore my feelings. I know now that I love her." He stopped again and closed his eyes. "I loved her."

"Leonard," she said as she moved from her seat and sat next to him on the bed. She pulled his body close to hers and she laid his head on her shoulder. "It's okay, honey. It'll be okay." She rubbed her hand up and down his back.

"Why would she not let me be there for her?" he asked. "Why did she take that away from me?"

"She did it for you," Rebecca replied. "Clara wanted you to be happy."

"I was happy; happy to be with her." Leonard lifted his head. "I think that I was happier than I had ever been. I've never been as happy as I was when I was with Clara."

Rebecca waited for him to continue, but he slipped into silence.

~ Sunday Afternoon 4:30 ~

Leonard had slipped back into a troubled sleep and Rebecca quietly left the bedroom and made her way to the refrigerator. She opened up the door and gazed inside. She found an open bottle of wine and took it out; once she located a clean cup, she poured herself a measure of the wine. She sat down at the counter and looked over toward Penny asleep on the couch. She had only known this girl for a day, but she felt as if she had a connection with her; and that connection was the love they both had for Leonard.

She brought the wine to her lips and took a sip; it was actually pretty good for a cheap bottle of wine. She heard a tune emanating from her purse that was on the table by the window and reached over to grab it. She looked at the caller ID and saw that it was her home number. She hit the accept button and quietly said hello as she made her way across the room and out of the door.

Meanwhile, on the couch, Penny was twitching in her sleep. Her eyes began to flit back and forth under her eyelids. _She was sitting on a bench in front of a skyscraper and there was a homeless man sitting next to her. She looked at him and he looked back; he reached out his hand toward her and she wanted to shrink away from him, but she instinctively reached her hand toward his and grasped it. A smile appeared on his face and he morphed into a dog. She thought that was odd, but then the sky was as yellow as a jonquil, so odd was the new norm. The dog had a tag on it that read 'Mitzi'; this was Leonard's pet dog. "Hey there girl," she said as she reached down to pet its head. Mitzi snarled and snapped at Penny, who snatched her hand back out of Mitzi's reach._

"_You're not good enough for my human; you don't smell right." Penny just stared in amazement and confusion. Mitzi was talking and she was not saying nice things._

"_Are you talking; talking to me?" Penny asked._

"_He doesn't really love you, you know" Mitzi said instead of answering her question. "Now that he knows what true love was supposed to be like, he's going to realize that you are just a pale imitation of love. Clara is the one that he really loves."_

"_But Clara is gone and he does love me… and your dead. Beverly said you were dead."_

"_Yeah, but here I am and Clara is still here too. Leonard loved us both before you came along and he'll still love us long after he's forgotten about you." Mitzi said with another snarl._

"_Penny, sweetie, you need to wake up." Penny looked around for the voice that seemed to be coming from the yellow sky. "Leonard's still asleep and I need to go; you need to wake up."_

Rebecca stood over Penny and gently reached towards her and grasped her shoulder. She squeezed it gently and moved it back and forth slightly to attempt to waken her softly. "Penny, please wake up." She relaxed as she saw Penny slowly open her eyes and stare at her.

"There was a yellow dog and… ummm… a clown and…." Penny said groggily. "Something I need to remember.."

"Sweetie, you were dreaming. I just got a call from my husband. Tiger's temperature has gotten up to 102.5 and I need to get home. I've called the airline and they have me a seat on a flight in 3 hours. But I need to be on the way to LAX in the next thirty minutes." Rebecca said soothingly, but Penny could sense the tension underneath her calmness.

"Yes, of course." She looked around, still trying to get he bearings. "Is Leonard still asleep? What time is it?"

"He woke up for just a few minutes but then went back to sleep. It's 4:30 and he should be about ready to wake up. I 'm going to awaken him so I can tell him goodbye." Rebecca turned and walked toward the bedroom and Penny rose to follow her.

As they entered the bedroom, they found that Leonard had kicked off all of the covers and was lying on top of the sheets. Rebecca stepped toward the bed to try to awaken Leonard as she had Penny a few minute before but Penny put her hand on her shoulder and stopped her.

"Let me…" she started and paused. "Let me lay down next to him and cuddle with him. I want me to be the first thing he knows when he wakes up." She looked at Rebecca and Rebecca nodded her approval. Penny quickly unbuttoned her blouse and threw it to the floor. She averted her eyes from Rebecca. It was embarrassing, but she wanted to be as close to him as possible. She slipped the skirt down over her hips and let them fall to the floor also. She thought 'I know he's still asleep, but I feel wicked; almost as if I'm doing a striptease for him.' She was now standing in front of Leonard's sister in just her Wonder Woman panties and bra. She quickly laid down behind Leonard and spooned him as she draped her arm over him. She looked to Rebecca and nodded.

Rebecca took the last few steps toward the bed and prodded Leonard's shoulder. "Leonard, wake up. I need you to wake up."

Leonard slowly opened his eyes to see his sister standing over him and an arm draped over him. His mind was racing like an over-clocked processor. He smiled at Rebecca as the tumblers started to realign themselves. "Hey sis. Whoa, what time is it?" He felt the arm that was wrapped around him give him a gentle squeeze.

"Hey handsome. I thought you were going to sleep forever." Penny said as she raised herself up to look over him and into his eyes.

"I feel like I've slept the sleep of Rip Van Winkle." Leonard chuckled. He sobered up and continued, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I over reacted and lost my temper. I should never have done that and ruined yawl's evening. My emotional tirade…"

"We talked about that this morning," Rebecca began.

"We talked this morning?" Leonard asked. He had a confused look on his face. "The last thing I remember was you coming in to the ER and telling me that you had signed all the paperwork and we were good to come home. Then… then something… I… something silvery and…" he closed his eyes as if he were trying to conjure up a memory.

"And then you came home and we put you to bed and…" Penny interrupted.

"Have you been here with me the whole time?" He asked Penny over his shoulder.

Her first inclination was to say yes, but what if his memories came back; he would know she lied to him. "I've been close. Rebecca and I took turns sitting with you and we took naps on the sofa."

"Oh, sorry to be such a bother," he said as he glanced back and forth between them.

"That brings me to why I woke you," Rebecca said. She explained to him that Tiger's fever and needing to get home. He agreed wholeheartedly and told her to go get her things together.

"I'll give you a lift to LAX," he concluded.

"No, you still need your rest. I can get a taxi," Rebecca argued.

"Rebecca, you go get packed. Leonard, you lay back down. I'll get you a sandwich and something to drink, I'll bring you a tray and you will eat and got back to sleep. I'll give Rebecca a ride to the airport and then I'll come home and we will snuggle the rest of the evening." Her tone brook no argument so Rebecca left to pack and Leonard lay back to await his food.

Thirty minutes later, Rebecca and Penny were in the car headed toward LAX. "So…" Penny said as she swerved to pass a slow moving vehicle.

"I think that the memories of last night are truly gone. He seems to have no recollection of what happened," Rebecca summarized for Penny.

"Do you think they'll ever come back?" she asked nervously.

"I don't think so; most likely the drug interaction impeded the memories from being imprinted onto short term memory and thus most likely will not be written to long term memory storage. I think last night never happened for him."

"And they didn't happen for me. Last night never happened. Its like Darth Vader hit it with a Pluto blaster and knocked it out or the space-time consortium." Penny babbled.

Rebecca just laughed. "You're starting to get the hang of all that nerd jargon, aren't you?"

"Did I get it right?" Penny asked.

"I have no idea. It sounded good, but it was all mumbo-jumbo to me." Rebecca laughed.

~ Back at Penny's Apartment ~

Leonard lay in the bed staring at the ceiling. Penny had bought his act 100%. He. All too well, remembered the events of last night. The animalistic desires that has coursed through his body; the anger, the passion and the hurt. The hurt he had felt at Clara's deception and betrayal and the hurt he saw in Penny's eyes as he had finally reigned in his lust and stopped mid coitus. He could still see the fear in her eyes as he thrust himself into her and the loathing he saw as she screamed 'stop'. But he also remembered the love he saw when she was telling him that everything was okay. The hallucination of Clara, the wild lust and even the memory of her comforting him as they ate pancakes and talked; they were all constructs of the drugs in his system. None of it was real. He threw his legs over the side of the bed and stood up. 'I'll go into work for a while; I need to get my head back in order.' He left Penny a note:

_**Penny, just remembered some paperwork for the new laser calibrations that we are working on. I need to go into the office for a few hours. Be back before 9:00. See you soon.**_

_**Love, Leonard.**_

He left it sitting in the middle of the bed that he had made up and left to go to work.

He hoped Penny never realized that he remembered that night, because Rebecca had convinced him that Penny was okay and that any stress or hurt she maintained was from the idea that Leonard would not be able to live with his actions. If that were true, this was the best course of action. He would deal with his despicable behavior; he would spend the rest of his life making sure he never hurt Penny again and he would never let her see the pain that his brutishness to her was causing him. His love for her dictated no less action.


	15. Chapter 15

Square Root of Christmas – Chapter 15

Leonard sat at his desk and quickly jotted down the last set of figures that he had determined after the test fire of the laser. He had been working for almost two hours and he was confident that he was getting close to optimizing the laser output versus the required energy inputs in relation to the environmental and atmospheric conditions as stated by the current specs relayed by the research team in the Antarctic. He was lost in the numbers and the world was only a place of theories and calculations; his mind was at ease.

The phone beside him buzzed; it was the front desk. He picked it up and said "Frank, what's up?"

"_There's a young lady here that says she would like to see you."_ said the voice on the phone.

"I'll be right out," Leonard said.

"_I'm about to start my rounds, I'll bring her to you if that's okay with you,"_ Frank said, _"Do you have a pot of coffee on?"_

Leonard chuckled, "Yeah, I've got a half pot left. Come on and bring your mug." He hung up the receiver. He looked around his desk and located all of the papers that were not for the public eye and put them in his top right hand drawer and locked it; he stood and slipped the key to the drawer in his pocket. He walked over to the door, unlocked it and opened it. He returned to his desk and found a copy of the article that he was editing for a friend and began to read it over for the fourth time. He was halfway through, when he heard a rap on the doorframe; he looked up to see an older black man in a security uniform and Penny standing in the doorway.

"Dr. Hofstader, this is the young lady that asked to see you," Frank said with a smirk on his face.

"Thank you Frank. Please come in; both of you." He tilted his head toward the sidewall where there was a table with a coffee maker. Frank walked over and began to pour coffee into his travel mug.

"Hey Penny, what brings you here. Didn't you get my note?"

"Yeah," she said, "But I wanted to come check on you. I know your hand has to be hurting you."

He looked down at his hand that was holding the article and just shook his head. "I had honestly forgotten about it. I guess I got busy and it slipped my mind." As he said it, he felt his hand begin to throb and he sat the papers down and raised his hand to his chest. He gestured with his other hand toward a chair and said, "Have a seat. Give me just a minute to clear up a few straggling details and we'll head home." He saw Frank wave to him as he walked out of the open door and he waved back.

"Frank seems nice," Penny remarked, "But I don't remember ever having had to check in at the front desk before when I've come to visit."

"Well, it's the weekend and… there have been some new protocols put in place. There are some faculty that are working on some sensitive material. The Dean has asked us all to be a bit more attentive to security. Frank was brought over from the general admin building for weekend security. He's a good guy; he's likes my coffee better that the muck that comes out of the machines in the cafeteria."

"Oh," she said. She just looked at Leonard; not sure what to say. He just smiled and began to straighten up his desktop. "You don't need to rush or… well I didn't come by to get you to leave with me. I just wanted to… I just wanted to be here with you. When I got back and saw your note…" she trailed off.

He looked at her with confusion. "What about my note? I just said I was coming in to do some work."

"I'm just being silly," she said as she tried to smile at him, "I was just worried, you know, you were still on the pain medication and you were driving and… I was worried."

He got up and walked around the desk, offered his hand and she took it. He pulled her to her feet and embraced her. He thought that she seemed to stiffen as he hugged her but soon felt her body relax and she put her arms around him and they stood there for a long moment and just melted together. "Let me lock up and then we'll head home."

She watched as he walked around the office and locked two different doors that she had never noticed; she assumed they were closets but both had regular locks as well as deadbolts. She watched as he took the coffee pot into the restroom and she heard him pouring the contents out and rinsing it. He returned a few moments later, replaced the carafe back into the machine and turned back to her. "All set. Are you ready to go?"

As they walked down the all toward the exit, she reached over and took his hand and gently squeezed it. "Do you mind if I ride home with you? I can come by tomorrow and pick up my car… I just don't want to be away from you if I don't have to." She held her breath as she waited for him to answer.

"I'll ride home with you. I can text Howard and have him come by and pick up Sheldon and me for a ride in the morning; that way you can sleep in." He squeezed her hand gently to let her know it was a heartfelt offer.

She just smiled and turned her head slightly to look at him. He was generous to a fault. 'How many times today have I told him that I love him; can I say it again and not sound needy?' "I…" she began as they rounded the corner and saw the security desk between them and the door. Frank sat up straight and looked at them.

"Dr. Hofstader, headed out?" he asked as they approached.

"Yep. Headed home to spend a little cuddle time with my beautiful girlfriend." He winked and Frank gave him a big grin. Frank handed a pad to Leonard and he signed it in a number of places. Leonard took a key ring from his pocket and handed the keys to Frank. "See ya in the morning." He turned and led Penny out the doors as Frank buzzed them out.

As they walked toward the parking lot, Penny looked up towards the sky. "It's a beautiful night…"

"There's a little garden on the west side of the building. It has a bench and a beautiful view of the night sky; would you like to sit and talk a while before we head home?" he asked.

"You and a romantic little garden; how could I say no to that?" she smiled and he turned and led her in the opposite direction of the car park.

They had been sitting silently for almost an hour. They would glance at each other occasionally and he had taken his jacket off and put it around her shoulders as well as his arm. 'It feels nice to just be sitting here with her and touching her' he thought.

Similar thoughts were running through her mind, but the idea that he was thinking of Clara kept trying to insinuate itself into her thoughts. "Leonard," she said in a whisper.

"Hmmm," was the only sound he made but he turned his gaze from the night sky to look at her.

"What are you thinking about?" she asked. "You look so content and happy."

"My mind is swirling with thoughts and ideas and… memories." He added at the last moment.

"Memories?" she asked with a tremble in her voice.

He heard the tremor and it occurred to him that she thought he was drifting back into memories of Clara. "Do you remember the first time you told me that you love me?" he asked. "I was thinking of that; and how happy that those words coming from your mouth, your beautiful mouth, had made me so happy. I was almost walking on clouds for the rest of the day. You had gone to work and I was home alone…" he trailed off and she thought he would continue but he lowered his eyes to the ground and became silent.

"I cried all the way to work," she said and he looked up at her in compassion. "No," she added seeing his look of concern, "I was crying because…" she became silent. Why couldn't she tell him what she was feeling. "I had loved you for a long time and… and you had said it to me, but… I couldn't understand why you would love me. But I know that you do. I have no doubt in you whatsoever Leonard. But I don't know…"

"Sometimes the answer is simple. Occam's razor; the simplest solution is usually the correct solution; simply put. I love you because I love you. You are the best of everything this world has to offer." Leonard cup her cheek and brought his lips to her lips.

"I'm not the best of anything Leonard," she argued.

"You are the best of everything in my world, and that is all that I need. You love me as no one else can love me and…" he began but he was cutoff as her lips crashed down upon his and his final declaration of love was squashed.

"Take me home Leonard, please take me home and…" he took her hand and they strode off towards the car park. The tears were streaming from her eyes once again. "Leonard, hold on," she said as she stopped and turned him towards herself. "I need to say this…" she looked panic stricken.

"You don't have to say anything. I know you love me; even without the words," he comforted her. "I can see it in everything you do; the way your eyes dip ever so slightly when you say my name; the slight altering of you voice when we talk about something intimate. Penny, I've felt the love you have for me in so many ways. My soul crackles with fire every time I see you; even at the Cheesecake factory when you're working. My blood boils with excitement at the very touch of your fingertips."

"I need to tell you that… I thought I knew what love was. I love my family; my mom and dad love me; I have even said those words to boys in the past. But they were just words said to little boys." He raised his eyebrows at her and she laughed. "Figuratively. Not really little boys. But compared to you, they have all been immature and mediocre at best. You are the pinnacle of everything that I have been looking for; but the most important fact is that you love me, the whole me." He took her hand and kissed her knuckles.

"I always have and I always will" he stated with absolute certainty. She was sobbing openly now. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you."

"NO" she blurted out. "I'm not upset. I don't understand. Everything you are saying make s me want to jump up and down in joy and dance around you and frolic and… but I can't stop crying. I must be crazy. But if this is crazy; this feeling that I have for you, then dammit I want to be crazy." She wiped a hand at the tears that were streaming down her cheek. "I feel like my life has changed so much since I met you and when I said… when I finally told you that I love you, my eyes were open to the changes that were there. I couldn't believe it had taken me that long to admit to you, and to myself, that you are the most important thing in my life. And by admitting it, I could finally begin a new life. A new life with you." She had not taken her eyes off of him as she made this confession and now she saw tears streaming down his cheeks. He tried to speak but his lips moved in vain, so he wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly as they both cried tears of joy.


	16. Chapter 16

Square Root of Christmas - Chapter 16

Note: This Chapter contains Mature Content.

February 3, 2013

_Leonard knew he was dreaming. He was gazing up at a sky that was as yellow as a ripe banana, but he didn't care. Penny was lying in the grass next to him and her hand was tightly clenching his hand. He glanced to his right and saw her lying peacefully with her eyes closed; she had a beautiful smile on her face. He looked back up at the sky and closed his eyes as a smile crept onto his own face. He lay there, just soaking up the purple sun's rays for a while._

_All of a sudden he sensed more than felt a change in the atmosphere. He opened his eyes to see that the sky had turned to an eerie shade of gray. He quickly glanced over to where Penny was lying and saw that she was now sitting up and he heard her mumbling._

_"You're a monster... you're a monster... you're a monster..."_

_He leaned toward her so that he could put his hand on her shoulder. She jerked away and stood abruptly. She walked away at a quick pace. "Leonard... Leonard..." he heard her say._

"Leonard... Leonard... Wake up." Penny reached over and shook Leonard by the shoulder. "Wake up Leonard." She saw his eyes flutter and slowly focused on her face.

"Penny, what's wrong? Are you okay?" He came fully awake in a panic. "What's wrong? What can I do?"

"Its okay, sweetie. I'm okay. You were squirming around and gasping. I was afraid your were having an asthma attack in your sleep." Penny explained.

"No. No, I was just..." he stopped to think. A scene flashed in his mind of Penny saying that he was a monster. He felt her hand grasp his and squeeze it. He looked down at their hands and came to a decision. He looked at the clock at it read three-thirty. "Penny", he said with determination, "Can you put on a pot of coffee and meet me on the couch? I need to talk to you about something... some things." She looked at him with confusion but slid out of the bed and put on her robe.

"I'll get the coffee started. I'll just be a minute." She said and she saw a slight smile appear on his face as he nodded his thanks. She turned and walked out of the bedroom.

As she walked out, Leonard stood and went into the washroom. He turned on the light and stepped in front of the mirror. He turned on the cold tap and cupped his hands under the stream. He raised the water to his face and splashed the water on to his face. He peered at his reflection in the mirror. He rubbed at his eyes and refocused them on the reflection. It was still there; the look of fear. Was his life about to change forever?

As he stepped into the living room, he saw Penny sitting on the couch with her legs tucked under her and her hands clasped together in her lap. "The coffee will be ready in a few minutes." She glanced toward the kitchen and then towards Leonard. "What is it that you need to tell me?"

He walked over to the couch and timidly sat down beside her. He took her hands in his and looked at her. He drank in her beauty with his eyes and concentrated on imprinting this vision of loveliness on his long term memory. If what he said led to her hating him forever, he wanted to remember the look of love that shown in her eyes. "Penny" he began, "I've been lying to you." He saw her eyes widen, but she held his gaze. "That night… you know, the night that I… I cut my hand and had to go to the ER…" His gaze faltered and he turned his head to stare toward the window. 'The sun will be up in a few hours' he thought, 'I could get a good bit of work done in the lab before all the staff get in and start making all that noise.' He felt his hand being squeezed and his mind was brought back to Penny. "I'm sorry, Penny."

She looked at him in confusion. "We've talked about that night Leonard, I'm not mad at you for a silly lapse in judgment. I've been upset before and wanted to lash out at something; I'm sure the wall has forgiven you, too." She laughed to let him know that she was joking with him.

"That's not what I have been lying to you about." He shifted in his seat and sat back away from her, but still held tight to her hands. "When I was recovering, I made a conscious decision to let you think that my memory of that night was not complete." She leaned toward him and tried to extricate her hands from his, but he held her hands tight and leaned further back. "Wait, let me get this out. I need you to know the truth."

"The truth is…" she began as her eyes pleaded with him to stop.

"The truth is, that I was wrong that night and the next day. I shouldn't have allowed my desire for you to impede my better judgment. I so wanted you to forgive me for… for what I had done; and then the lie was there. You were going to let me live with not remembering that I had raped you…"

"You didn't rape me Leonard," she said in a raised voice.

"Not technically; no, but I did violate your trust and your…" he rebutted. "If I could do it once then what's to say that it is not somewhere inside me to do something like that again. I'm a monster, and you know it." He stood and released her hands he was halfway to the door before she realized that he was leaving.

"Stop right there," she screamed.

He froze in his tracks and gazed at the door. He wanted to be out of here; she knew the truth now, he was a monster. She had said so herself. 'No' he thought that was just the Penny in his dreams, 'She has never said that I am a monster. What am I doing?' He turned back toward her and saw that she was striding purposefully towards him. "I'm sorry. I am so confused."

She didn't say a word, she just encircled him in a hug and held him tightly. "Hush, sweetie, it's okay. I should have talked to you about it and not let it fluster in your head."

'Fester' he thought, but he wisely didn't correct her. "How can you bear to touch me after what I did to you?" he asked.

"For someone that claims to be so smart…" she pulled away in order to smile at him, "you can be really dumb sometimes." She kissed him lightly on the lips. "I love you Leonard."

"That doesn't excuse what I did." He protested.

"Dammit Leonard…" she started but was interrupted by three knocks at the door and her name being called.

She rushed to the door and opened it to find Sheldon about to knock again. "If you knock on the door again Sheldon, I will put my foot up your ass. What do you want?"

"I heard you scream 'stop', and you sounded scared." He knocked three times on the door frame, "Penny" She glared at him. "That was the door frame; not the door." He knocked three more times and said "Penny" She just shook her head.

"Everything is fine Sheldon," Leonard said as he walked up behind Penny, "I was just getting ready to come over and shower and get into work early."

"The hell you are," Penny shouted. "Sheldon, you go back to your apartment, and no matter what you hear. Do not come back over here until I say you can." She slammed the door in Sheldon's face and glared at Leonard. She pointed at him and said in a voice that sent shivers down his spine. "Get your clothes off and get in there on the bed." She took two steps toward the bedroom and he was frozen in place. "Don't make me repeat myself; if I have to say it again, you will regret it."

He turned and walked toward her bedroom and she followed close behind. When he was in the bedroom, he turned to look at her and what he saw scared the hell out of him. He saw her shut the door behind her and just glare at him with and look he had never seen on her face or anyone's face for that matter. He wasn't sure what it meant, but it made him very uncomfortable.

"I said, clothes off and get on the bed right now," she boomed at him and then turned and walked to her closet. He hesitated for a moment but then the look in her eyes flashed in his mind and he lifted his t-shirt over his head. He removed his boxer shorts and leaned over toward the bed about to crawl onto it. His head was awash in questions as to what was happening. His attention was brought back to the situation as he heard Penny clear her throat. "On your back, now." He crawled on the bed and positioned himself on the side of the bed that he slept on and started to lay back. "The center of the bed," she said sternly and he scooted over, "Spread eagle. I want your hands above your head." He scrunched his forehead in a questioning gaze and it was then that he noticed that she had two pairs of handcuffs in her hands.

"What… what are those for?" he shuttered. She was on the bed beside him with a pair of the cuffs on his wrist before she answered.

"I love you Leonard and you are going to listen to me." She attached the cuffs to one of the wooden post at the head of her bed. "I can't let you walk out of here… out of my life. I need you too much."

"You don't need to do this Penny. I won't go; we can talk" he urged. She straddled his body and took his other hand and attached it likewise to the other side of the headboard. He noticed that she avoided eye contact with him as she effectively immobilized him on the bed. "Penny, look at me."

"No. No, you'll give me those puppy dog eyes and I'll cave. You are going to lie here and hear me out." She stood up and walked toward her Chester drawers. She opened the top drawer and removed a silk scarf. "I'm going to put this on your eyes; it's not for you, it's for me." She placed the scarf over his eyes and lifted his head to tie it. "I need you to hear what I have to say and if you look at me, I won't be able to say it."

"Please, I'll look away; at the wall… don't…" he sobbed, "don't do this Penny."

She ran her hand over his abdomen and moved her hand down to cup his penis and he gasped. "Relax Leonard. Just hear me out and when I am finished with what I have to say, you can leave me."

"I don't want to leave you, Penny. But, how can you want me to stay after what I have done?" He asked with a quiver in his voice.

"What have you done, other than try to prove, day after day, that you love me. Even that night of the…"

"The night I raped you." Leonard finished for her.

She squeezed her hand around his penis and pulled gently on it. "You did not rape me; no more so than I am raping you now. You stopped when I said stop. I will stop if you say stop." She paused. "Say stop and I will let you go. I'll unlock the cuffs and you can leave me."

He opened his mouth to speak but he closed it without uttering a sound. He laid there for a few minutes as she loosened her grip but continued to fondle him and he could feel himself becoming aroused. Finally he spoke. "God, Penny. I love it when you play with my cock." His hips began to move on their own volition. "Un-cuff me please. I need to taste you."

"No, this is about you. I'm going to make you feel good today. This is all about you." Penny said as she removed her hand and he could hear her as she made a spitting sound and then her hand was back on his penis and it was wet and warm as she began to stroke him. "You just lie back and listen. I need you to know how much you mean to me. My world has become centered around you… and it scares the hell out of me."

"Fuck. Penny… If you keep that up, I'm gonna come." She slowed her hand down so that it was barely moving but tightened her grip. "Oh god… oh god…"

"Does that feel good?" She asked, and he could hear the smirk in her voice. "Do you still want me to let you go?"

"Yes, I want you to let me go" he answered.

"Why. Why do you want to be free?" She quickened her stroke and he tensed up. "What are you going to do if I remove the handcuffs?"

"I'm going to rip your panties off and lick you until you scream the walls down. I want to feel your breast in my hands." His voice was quivering.

"No" she stated. "You are going to lie there and let me…" He felt a shift of weight and her hand was gone but just as suddenly, the warmth and moisture was back.

"Shit" he muttered as he felt her mouth on his cock. "Oh god…" he immediately began to calculate pi in his mind; if he couldn't distract himself, he would come in her mouth. She had given him blow jobs before, but they were brief and only used to arouse him. This time he was already aroused and on the brink of an explosive orgasm. He had never come I her mouth and he was sure that she would not appreciate it.

He felt her mouth release him and heard her ask, "What are you mumbling?"

"Pi… I'm reciting pi in my mind. You need to stop doing that." He felt her lips back on his cock and her tongue flick over his head. "If you keep that up, I'm going to… you're going to make me…" Her mouth was gone again.

"Come for me Leonard. I want to taste you" she said.

"You've never… I didn't think you liked doing that." His voice faltered.

"I do things for you that I never would have before… You make me want to make you happy. I do enjoy doing this with you and I want to taste it." She went back to gently sucking his cock. She swirled her tongue around his cock and eventually he noticed a pattern emerging.

"Penny, I don't think that I can… I can't reach… I…" He lowered his head back down on the pillow and sighed. "I got lost in my head. I over thought it and god it feels wonderful, but knowing your past aversion to…"

She raised her head from his cock. "My only aversion was that I had never let myself try it. I want this. But only from you." Her hand was back on his cock and she began to stroke him. "That night that you claim you raped me; and no you didn't; when you ran out of the bathroom… I was so confused. I had been a little scared; but do you know what I realized?" She looked up at him and she saw him raise his head. "I was wet. I was literally dripping with… I hadn't been that wet since, well that morning when you fingered me to an orgasm." She paused in her jacking off and reached her hand up to stroke the side of his face. "I like it when you take control, but I also love it that you respect me enough to stop when I say stop."

"But I hurt you; I could see it in your eyes." He argued.

"The only thing you may have seen in my eyes, was surprise and astonishment" she replied.

"But I…"

"But nothing. You were under the influence of a painkiller and anything you saw at that time, you cannot trust." She leaned down and trailed kisses up his sternum and then to his throat and ended with a passionate kiss to his mouth. When she broke the kiss, his tongue flicked out and caught her lips as she pulled away. It was her turn to moan. "Oh god Leonard. I need you so bad."

Leonard knew this was his chance. "Only if I can taste you first." He felt a weight leave the bed and a minute later, it was back.

Penny had heard his demand and fire erupted in her belly. 'He was still thinking about her as she was trying to overpower him.' She jumped off of the bed and removed the baby doll t-shirt and the white cotton briefs that she had worn to sleep in. She grinned to herself as she thought of a devious plan. "Okay" she said, "You can taste me." She balled up the panties and pressed them into face. "Smell that?" she asked. "That is the smell of how excited you've gotten me. Just having you in my mouth and touching you has got me wet again." She moved her panties down so that they were over his mouth. "Open up, baby. You wanted to taste me; suck on the panties that are wet with my excitement." She pressed down and his mouth opened to accept her offering.

She smiled at the sight of her panties in her boyfriend's mouth. She took his cock in her hand and stroked it until it was at it full length; it wasn't the longest or thickest that she had ever had, but it was the most cherished. That thought sent a wave of pleasure through her entire body and she threw her leg over his waist and inserted the head of his cock at the entrance to her sopping cunt. "I love you Leonard" she said as she impaled herself in one quick motion. She heard him grunt and then moan through her panties as she start a slow rhythm of up and down; occasionally sinking as low as she could and pausing to feel the full length of him inside of her. Her pace was slow and she could feel her walls grasping at him on every up motion as if her body was refusing to let him go. She lost track of time until she felt the building tell-tell waves of an orgasm approaching.

"Leonard… oh god, Leonard. I'm going to come, Leonard." She slammed her body down as far as it would go and began to thrust her hips; grinding against his pelvis. She locked her eyes on his mouth, which still had her panties in them, and took a sharp intake of air. His lips loosened around the panties and she felt a rush of warmth enter her pussy. "OH GOD LEONARD" she screamed. "Yes fill me with your come." She closed her eyes and concentrated on the growing ball of electricity that seem to be centered in the core of her soul. Her hips gyrated faster and faster until suddenly there was a blinding flash of purple hued light that seemed to imprint euphoria onto ever cell of her body. She gasped for breath and suddenly the world was dark. She wanted to sink to the bottom of darkness that seemed to surround her, but she fought to open her eyes. She needed to see the man that had given her such pleasure. As her eyes finally opened and the world came back into focus she saw Leonard lying there very still. His body was limp and she realized that his cock has begun to soften and it made an audible plop as she raised herself up off of him. He was covered with a fine sheen of sweet and she reached up to pull her panties out of his mouth.

"God, that was wonderful" she said as she planted a kiss on his lips. There was no reaction from Leonard. "Leonard?" She jerked the scarf from over his eyes and saw that his eyes were shut. "Leonard, are you okay?" There was no reaction. She lowered her lips to his and felt a faint breath coming from them. She shook him but he did not respond. Panic filled every fiber of her body. She did the only thing she could think of; at the top of her voice she screamed,

"SHELDON, CALL AN AMBULANCE AND GET IN HERE RIGHT NOW."


End file.
